Aquaman: Pilot

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Wet And Ready, Bro
They go out onto the deck (it is "deck," right, and not, "poop platform" or "ocean driveway"?), and Aquaman asks the guy, who is apparently the sheriff, what he's done this time. Aquaman takes a long time putting on his shirt, the better to distract Sheriff All Eyes. The sheriff asks A.C. where he was at 10 the night before. Aquaman says that he doesn't wear a watch. Sheriff asks if he went to Neptune World and freed five dolphins. A.C. tells the sheriff that he's got the wrong man. "Is that so?" the sheriff asks. He thinks that he's got the right man and he's not going to stop until it's the heat of the beat of the meat. Or words to that effect. The sheriff pulls out some folded papers and asks how A.C. explains "These Kodak moments." They're surprisingly clear surveillance photos of A.C. hopping fences and looking like a criminal. The last one shows his head above water next to a dolphin's fin. A.C., never losing his cool or his smile, says that any ten-year-old with a PC could have Photoshopped those. The sheriff makes a big production of putting his hand on Aquaman's shoulder, getting behind him and talking about breaking an entering. Oh my. He arrests our hero, also for animal endangerment. Aquaman bristles and says he's seen Port-a-Potties that were cleaner than the tanks at the amusement park, and adds that he was doing the dolphins a favor. Nice confession there, Moisty. "Yeah, the world is full of misunderstood heroes," the sheriff says. Oh, just kiss him, already. A very tacky sign outside a building reads, "Tempest Key -- Sunsets were invented here!" We pan across young bodies in scant wear toward an official looking building where, outside, Aquaman is thanking his dad for bailing him out and promising to pay him back. LouDi, in his crisp Coast Guard uniform, says that this is the third time this year it's happened. A.C., a little ungrateful, says that he bets his dad wishes he'd never signed those adoption papers. Coldness! LouDi warmly calls him kiddo, and says that no matter how many times A.C. screws up ("...and you're going for the record here"), he'll always be the father of a fishmanthing. LouDi crosses the street and says he has to go to work. That sucks, dude. It's almost as if on the shore, they work all day and that out in the sun, they slave away. A.C. reminds him that it's ten years to the day since his mom disappeared. LouDi tells him to stop and not do this to himself. Aquaman reminds his dad, probably for the billionth time, that his mom called him "Orrin" and said she had much to tell him. LouDi gives his son a pissed-off look. "Didn't she also say to do good with your life?" Yes, that was in the transcript, sir. LouDi says he doesn't see A.C. fixated on that, and that he should be at Stanford, not in jail all the time. Beach bum. A.C. says that he's not leaving Tempest Key until he finds out what happened to his mom. Or till we hit syndication. LouDi says that he misses her, too, but that the kid has lots of potential he's just letting go to waste. Aquaman, looking a bit like a blonde Ben Affleck, says that he's sorry. LouDi tells the "kiddo" to pull his life together. Lay off the hard algae, kid. Stop shooting squid ink in your veins. Clean it up, man! LouDi drives off. A.C. is, like, totally bummed, dude. He stares off onto the beach which is conveniently just to his right.

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