Smallville
Aquaman: Pilot

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Wet And Ready, Bro
Fighter jets! Your tax dollars at work! Title card: "Tempest Key Naval Air Station." A comely young Latina wearing a flight suit and with her hair pulled back strides right. Another group of pilots walks by and one of them reminds her to take a left at Cuba, Torres. Without stopping, she tells the guy that he'd get lost on a two-lane highway. Well, she's not the snappiest of banterers, but that's all right. She's a former Miss Universe and a former BatChica. Witty comebacks aren't really what got her here. "Commander Daily" greets Lt. Torres (Aquachica). He's a gruff older dude in khakis and a crew cut. He tells her that she has new orders to fly over Mercy Reef. She asks for permission to speak freely. Uh oh. I hope there's not a speech coming. She starts asking if she's being given an easier assignment because they think she can't handle the rigors of the program. "This is not the LPGA, Torres!" the Commander tells her, "you tee off with the men!" Tee hee. He bellows that these orders came from above his head (from a hat?) and that they told him to put his best pilot on the case. And that's her. So stop your whining, chica. He asks if he's blown enough sunshine up her "backside" to get her to fly. Yeah, don't say "ass," dude. You could get court-martialed. He tells her that they pulled a John Doe from Mercy Reef with no boat, no ID and no idea where he came from. He asks her to look for anything out of the ordinary. Surprisingly good footage of the fighter jet taking off. Wow, they didn't even go to the stock footage well for this. Aquaman swimming. I'm willing to bet we'd be seeing a lot of this if the show had been picked up. He torpedoes right toward us and it looks a little...well, fishy. The camera shows his point of view and gets all zoomy. Aquachica flies over the reef and reports that there's nothing out there. Her helmet, helpfully, says "Torres." She does a few barrel rolls for no good reason other than to waste fuel. As Aquaman swims, he sees the jet fly over the surface. He gets visibly excited, grins widely and propels himself forward. Aquachica sees a red spot on her rudimentary radar and says something is following her. At the rate it's moving on screen, it would have hit her by the time she said anything. The camera pulls back and overhead as we see the top of the jet and the shape below the water zooming along with it. We zoom down and see Aquaman humping the water rhythmically. Oh. Wow. The shape on the radar drifts away as Aquaman slows down. He pops to the surface and looks up. This is his idea of partying. Aquachica says that she's going to circle around. A.C. looks worried as the seahorse on his necklace starts to glow orange. Aquachica spots a swirling mass in the water. It's between her jet and Aquaman. A beam of light shoots up from the water. She tries to evade. The thing smacks her jet and sends it twirling. She ejects without making any move to try to keep her plane flying. The plane tumbles to the water and explodes. A.C. is flung back in the water, but seems fine. He sees Aquachica's jet seat sink in the water. Shouldn't that thing have some floatation devices in it? A parachute at least? He swims for her. She's unconscious. He pulls off her helmet for no good reason than to see her lustrous hair. Yep, it's a girl. He pulls off her safety straps much as his mom did back in the day and propels her through the water. Rescue aquatics! Wow, how amazingly appropriate -- the pilot in the show crashed and burned, too.

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