Smallville

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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
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The Big, Gay Cold Shoulder

LuthorCorp jet. Lex is checking his watch. Johnny shows up. Lex tells him to have the pilot start the engine. Johnny says he thought Lex was waiting for some guide. "I don't need her," Lex says, "not sure I should even trust her." Johnny reminds him that the last few teams have disappeared. Lex says he thinks he has everything he needs to make it to his destination. He thinks that if the orb is meant to protect all of humanity, then that should include him as well. Johnny is scared. He thinks it's dangerous. Lex says it's worth the risk. "We leave now." Very reluctantly, Johnny walks back to the cockpit and closes the curtains behind him. It would be funny if he just bailed from the plane before it took off. Lex opens the briefcase to stare at his die again. So pretty.

Poll: Will Right-Hand Johnny be back next season?
a. Yes, somebody has to put Lex's affairs in order when he's gone.
b. Naw, he was eaten by sled dogs in the Arctic, per Lex's order.
c. No, he'll be kickin' it on Top Chef. He has an awesome braise.
d. Yes, but ironically, he'll have to have his right hand removed.
e. He might be the only cast member left.

Smallville Medical Center, a place I won't miss over the summer. Clark walks into Chloe's hospital room. She's got a tube hooked up to her mouth. Clark sits by her side. What a bummer. "I'm so sorry," he says. He takes her hand. Clark lowers his head. Chloe's eyes open. They're cloudy the way Lana's were when Brainiac was controlling her. Clark is suddenly very pissed off. "Brainiac," he whispers. Newman!

A big, fenced power plant. Brainiac, sweaty and weak, eyejaculates onto the fence to burn a hole he was walk through. Can't you just fly over that? He stumbles forward, slowly. We see power lines sparking overhead.

Commercials. If John Hodgman put out an album of country songs, I would definitely purchase that.

The power plant. The camera cranes down from up high and some animators have been nice enough to draw Spencer Gifts-style electric rays anywhere that there's a metal surface. Thanks, CGI animators! Brainiac is holding his arms out, zombie-like, to absorb the sweet electric boogie of energy. He's not actually touching anything, because that would be dangerous. The electricity is coming to him. Everything goes to slow motion as Clark appears from off to the side and punches Brainiac right in the side of the face. Hey! Asshole! I'm trying to eat here! Brainiac goes flying and lands in between some giant coils. Showering sparks and busted ceramic coils are everywhere. The camera moves along the ground to show us where Brainiac landed. Clark towers over him. "Kara never came back from Krypton...DID SHE?" Brainiac gets up slowly and says it was quite an impression, though, wasn't it? Yeah, there was weird sexual tension and she was all flirty and hot and... Hey! You tricked me! Brainiac stands unsteadily. He's even sweatier than before. He says it was the only way he could come to Earth without the risk that Clark would hurt him. "You killed her," Clark says. Brainiac says he did something much worse. He says Clark will never see her again. Clark gets mad and pushes Brainiac against a wall. He asks where Kara went. Brainiac says that if Clark had just done what he said, nobody would have gotten hurt. "No one but you," he says. Clark asks if this was all about revenge. Brainiac says this was about self-preservation. When he couldn't kill Clark, he had to control him. Clark says he's in control now.

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Smallville

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