We return to smoke. Yul Brynner? Are you dead and hiding in there? It's a giant dirt crater. Lana lies at the edge of it. She's got a pretty severe black gash on her forehead and Halloween-makeup blood dribbling down both cheeks. How much you wanna bet she'll have flawless skin by the end of the episode? A light glows inside the crater. We see two figures in silhouette. Lana gets up and limps down the hill. To make sure we get it, her entire right thigh on her jeans leg is caked with blood. Lana limps and almost runs into a tall black man, whom I'm told used to appear on Buffy as Forrest. He's got gold eyes and not much in the way of a facial expression. He's the Brother from Another Planet. Then Zena: Warrior PR Goddess shows up with what looks like a steel bustier. Rrowr. Oh, by the way, her real-life first name is "Alana," which should tell you all need to know about how she was cast. Lana turns from Angry PR Lady to Brother from Another and says, "Please don't hurt me?" Why does she only ask the black man that? The PR Warrior Goddess thinks, "Should we make the fans happy by hurting her or not?"
Sirens. Police cars approach. This won't end well, I'll bet. Brother from Another turns very slowly and calmly. A police chopper approaches, too. A fly-over shows all the chaos of the police arriving at the smoking crater. Lana limps out of frame. It's pretty funny. We see the spaceship inside the crater. All the cops get into position. Angry PR Lady eyejaculates some orange fireballs and blows up the helicopter. Lana, in a self-homage, is thrown forward by the fireball. The cops all start firing their shotguns at the pair of Kryptonians. (Mini-skirt much, Angry PR Lady?) Hey, the black guy didn't do anything. Why are they shooting at him? Man! Racist! The five million rounds of ammunition spent don't seem to do a damn thing. Brother from Another and Angry PR Lady just stare at the cops. Angry PR Lady's eyes turn orange again, and she blows up a police cruiser. Get hybrids, foolish Earthlings! Brother from Another starts contributing to the destruction. The camera swirls around them as they just stand there, not emoting as CGI fireballs shoot. That must have been tons of fun to shoot. "Just stand here, in your ridiculous black outfits, and stare, but don't emote. What do you mean you want to do something? We're not paying you to act!" More fireballs. More destruction. The Kryptonians almost cross eyejaculate streams, which I imagine would be very awkward. The cop cars are burning, but all the officers have mysteriously disappeared. Spoooky! Lana watches from the brush. "Where's the girl?" Angry PR Lady asks. "I want to critique her posture." So you guys can shoot fireballs from your eyes, but you can't hear a limping girl stumble off about twenty feet away? Brother from Another says, "She's irrelevant." If only, dude. If only. "We must find Kal-El," he says, seriously. "Dude owes me some money. He lost a bet on a game of Madden '06." We flash down to Angry PR Lady's midsection for no reason except to show that she has a black tattoo on her lower back. It's a "Z" with some dots and what looks like a tiny skin-colored fetus in the middle. All right, folks. I'm going to let you in on a Guy Secret. When we see a girl with a tattoo on her lower back, we think two things: "Slut." And then, "Giggity!" I'm not saying women with those tattoos are slutty. I'm just saying that's what we think when we see them. Since getting married, I now add a third thought: "What are her grandkids gonna think when she bends over to pick up a bag of potatoes in the kitchen? How horrified will they be, exactly?" Lana stares at the tattoo. I yawn loudly.