The Caves of Contrivance. Small rocks are falling. A hand reaches up, and Lex pulls himself out of some rubble. Not Barney Rubble, incidentally. "Chloe?" he calls out. He asks where she went. Lex finds a cell phone on the ground. "Where'd you go, Chloe?" he whispers. He goes into the Chamber of Superhero Transit and sees the large platform with the octagon slot in the middle. Lex likey. He pulls out the octagonal piece. Ah yes. The Sexy Disc. There's a whooshing from behind Lex. He turns and sees Angry PR Lady and Brother from Another. "Everything's under control here, officers," Lex says, not spotting APRL's mini-skirt and shiny bustier, I guess. She x-ray-visions Lex and sees the octagon in his hand. "He has the key," she says. No telepathy between the aliens? She Jedis the thing out of Lex's hand to fly into her own. Brother from Another is like, "I coulda done that." Lex asks who they are. "Are you Kal-El?" Brother asks. Lex asks who wants to know. Unwisely. Brother grabs Lex by the neck and commences the chokening. Angry PR Lady circles around Lex and sees some blood on his neck. She says it's not Kal-El: Kal-El doesn't bleed. Brother flings Lex across the cave and into a wall. This is not Lex's day. Lex winces. The Kryptonians whoosh out of there at super speed. Lex sees it and is duly amazed.
The tundra. Chloe lies in some snow. She wakes up. Mystery music plays as she looks for Clark and calls his name. Massive zoom-in on her eye. We see the ice fortress reflected in her peeper. Pretty.
In the Fortress, Clark -- still holding The Penetrator Ice 5000 -- calls out that he thought Krypton was destroyed. Jarnelle says that it was, but that the geography of the planet was replicated in Clark's "Fortress of Solitude" for his training. Basically, you get $1,000 and an interior designer to see what you can do with the place while your neighbor does the same. Clark says there's a lot he can learn from Jarnelle. Pronunciation, for instance. But he has to get back home, where he's needed. But don't you like your barren ice replica? You could put the PlayStation 2 and the TV over by the, uh, ice thing. Jarnelle says that the meteor shower is just a precursor to a dark force that's been awakened from Krypton. "Dark" as in black? Solid. Clark considers his dildo. Then we see it from overhead and, my goodness, all it needs is some C-cells. Clark asks what Jarnelle wants him to do. Flash of light. Clark is surrounded by a tube of energy. Jarnelle says that Clark must do as Jarnelle says (not as he does) and study with diligence. Uh oh. Symbols and planets start to swirl around Clark. Aw crap, it's the Jedi training temple. I would do some Yoda-speak, but that gives me a headache. Jarnelle says that Clark's ability to learn is the only thing that'll save this planet. We...are so fucked.