Tundra. Ice to see you. Snow, how's it going? Cool, cool. Chill with ya later. Chloe approaches the giant ice megaplex. One second later, she's inside. She's shivering. She turns an ice corner and sees Clark getting home-planet-schooled. Yes, I see that there's a universe of knowledge swirling around your delicate and atrophied brain, Clark, but what's with the dildo? As Chloe approaches, some sort of ice attack shoots at her. Haduken! That's down-right fierce. She buckles and falls to the ground, freezing to death. Chloe gets frosty. "Clark," she says. This can't be good for her hair. Dramatic music crescendos.
Commercials. Say what you will about me, but I squealed with glee at the Harry Potter trailer. I'm not even ashamed. Elsewhere, in the Supernatural commercial, one of the quotes used is "OMG." The internet geeks have officially won.
Clark is trying to absorb basic fractions: "The world is...it's round? Holy shit! This changes everything!" Chloe whispers in his mind that if he can hear her, he should help. Over here, jackass. Put down the third-grade reading primer. The Schoolin' Field breaks. There's a blast of light. Clark looks woozy. "5 times 4" really burned those neurons up. Clark goes to Chloe. Jarnelle bellows that Clark must continue his education. Yeah, yeah, little green one, he'll be back after he loses a hand to Darth Vader, all right? Just take it easy, old man. Clark says that Chloe's his friend and needs help. Can't he just eyejaculate up some fire or a makeshift heading pad or something? Jarnelle says that Clark's destiny is greater than saving one human life. Unless that life belonged to Regis Philbin. In that case, Jarnelle might give Clark a pass. Clark says he won't let Chloe die. Jarnelle says that every time Clark puts his emotions into play, he risks the fate of the whole world. Yeah, ass. Jarnelle says that's his weakness. That and menstruating. Clark begs. He holds Chloe tightly. Jarnelle changes his mind, which is very un-Jarnelle, and tells Clark he can go on one condition: he has to return before the yellow sun sets. And before the white moon comes up. Because then Jarnelle will be red angry. So does the sun even set around here? Clark says he'll be back. Jarnelle warns Clark not to fail. Clark says that Jarnelle has his word. Not very convincing-sounding. Chloe, shaking, advises Clark that this might be a good time to switch into Super-Clark mode. "Super-Clark?" he asks. Chloe says she knows he can run faster than a speeding bullet. It would be lame except she's so cold that it comes out endearingly. "Take me along for the ride," she says. Clark picks her up. He zips out of the Fortress.