Smallville
Arrival

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Oh My Zod!

The iZods and Lana enter Lex's double-doored entryway (the legitimate one) as she continues with Worst Limping Performance of All Time. "Kal-El's in there," she says, directing them to the open vault door. Why did the rocks stop glowing? They step inside, and the green lights suddenly come on. Both of the iZods kneel and whimper: "It's a trap!" You think? "Get the door! Seal it!" Angry PR Lady demands. Brother from Another is like, "Why do I always gotta...ouch...dammit...fine." Lana stares with wide eyes. Why don't you kick them back through the doorway, Mulana? Brother from Another stands and sprints across the room. He grabs the giant steel vault door and neatly slides it across the room, closing the doorway. Nice one, Lana. "Lying is their way," he mutters. Mostly we sit in office chairs. "Not for long," Angry PR Lady says. They superzip to Lana's far side. She backs away, half-limping. They grab her and fling her thirty feet across the room. What is this, Concussion #5 in this episode alone? Lana crashes into a display case and gets knocked out.

Something superzips into the room. "I heard you're looking for me," Clark Kent says. Aw, geez. "I'm Kal-El," he says. And I don't come with a training bra. The iZods show an emotion. It's called "smiling." "At last," Brother from Another says. Now somebody else can do all the shitwork. Clark asks who they are. APRL says they're the last survivors of Krypton. "Thought I was beat by green rocks, I was flyin'/ Thought I was shot up by cops/ I was fire-blastin'/ I'm a survivor/ I'm gonna make it!" Clark asks what they want. They want Clark to join them and make "this savage land [their] utopia." So they started in Kansas, of course. Clark says he saw the hospital. It's not utopia; it's murder. And endless hospital scenes! Hell! Brother says those people have to be sacrificed for the sake of the many. Why, exactly? "Then sacrifice me," Clark says. He says he won't let them kill anyone else. Killjoy. Angry PR Lady takes off a clunky silver bracelet she got in Santa Fe and says that if that's Clark's decision, so be it. She tosses the bracelet. It flies at Clark. He dodges in slow-motion. It flies past and opens up a large purple portal. Clark, quick! Find a purple-portal eater! The iZods' eyes glow orange. They shoot fireballs at Clark. Clark is hit in the back and goes flying toward the portal. He manages to dig his hand into a chunk of marble in the floor. This is a bad day for Lex's tile work. Clark hangs on. Brother says they can lock Clark in a place where he'll never be able to stop them. Clark is pulled further into the portal. The iZods just watch, helpless. Clark hangs by a finger. The iZods turn their backs before Clark lands in the portal and say, hilariously, "It is done." Oh my God. That's just terrible. These guys need to watch some James Bond movies.

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Smallville

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