Belle Reve. Clark goes in to do a man's job. He rips open the outside fence like so much crepe paper at a theme party. He superzips inside like so many fans at Streisand's last concert. He appears leaning at Lex's door like so much...well, like so much gay porn. So I've heard. Ahem. Lex looks over. Smiling, he says, "Clark. I knew you'd come." Hey, they had that in the gay porn, too. Clark rips the steel cage off Lex and tosses it aside. I honestly thought Lex would be naked under there, wearing only a little bowtie, to greet Clark. Lex gives Clark a longing "eet me free!" look. It is the Gayest Look of the Episode -- nay, the gayest look of this entire new year. And we got it started off right. Lex says that, all this time, he was right about Clark. He is a top! Clark suddenly winces and moves his eyes around all twitchily. He turns, and there's Tool Boy, holding a fistful of Kryptonite. He punches Clark in the face. Hard. Tool Boy #2 shows up, and they both set about whaling on Clark and Lex. Tool Boy #2 uses a baton while #1 sticks to the trusty Kryptofist. Why isn't Lex fighting back? Tool Boy #1 tells Clark that if it wasn't for him, he'd be at Harvard right now with a coed on each arm. Yeah, but he'd need a stool to get up there. Tool Boy #1 sticks the meteor stone inside Clark's t-shirt. Lex yells, asking what they're doing to Clark. Lex says he's not giving them a cent. Clark is his friend. Lex gets punched in the face again. Poor Lex! The Tool Boys drag Clark out of there. Lex screams at them to leave Clark alone. One of the Tool Boys says that Lex is about to get his ass fried in about five minutes. Lex tries crawling toward the door and coughs up blood instead. He slumps to the floor.
Episode Report CardOmar G: A- | 767 USERS: B-
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