A giant cave. It looks like a black version of the Fortress of Solitude. Kara leads Lois to an altar. There's a big Superman symbol carved into it. Kara cuts her palm on the stone. "This is our DeLorean?" Lois asks. Kara says they just have to touch it. That's what Kara said! As Kara starts to put her palm down, Lois hears growling from outside. She thinks Clark needs them and starts to run. Kara holds her back. Kara says Lois has to go. She puts her hands down, making the symbol light up. A portal indeed opens up in front of them. The two women just stand there. Lois doesn't want to go. She wants to wait for Clark. Kara says there's no time. She pushes Lois forward, sending her into the portal. Lois is sucked into it. It's poetic given how much she sucks out of the show. Kara turns around. A wraith is flying toward her. She runs to stop it and is knocked aside. She flies through some glass as she's flung far away.

Kansas. We're in the dark, near some railroad tracks. Lois is deposited right on them. I keep thinking a train is going to be coming at her, but it never happens. Lois stands up. She looks around. "Clark?" she calls. Nobody's there. We hear an alien growl nearby. The creature appears behind Lois and sinks into her body. It smiles as it inhabits her. Lois walks over to a nearby truck. On the window, she looks at her own reflection. "This'll do," Lois the Alien says to herself. Oh, man, alien, if you only knew how much we hate her.

Commercials. Kung Fu Panda on DVD. I still haven't seen it, but hope to remedy that soon.

Full moon in Metropolis. Every fucking week with that moon. Lois just got a makeover. She looks 10 years older, but in a really good way. In fact, she looks like she should be on a soap opera. Her makeup is all soft and even and she's wearing giant hoop earrings and her hair is all fluffy. I'm not even lying when I say that it suits her. She's sitting in front of a computer screen in Jimmy's office at The Daily Planet, speed-reading through a bunch of newspaper archives. Tess walks in. We've secretly replaced Lois Lane with someone from The Young and the Restless. Will Tess Mercer notice? Let's watch... "Well, look who decided to show up for work today," Tess snarks. Wow, what a micromanager. She's never going to make it as a publisher is she's keeping track of every employee's time card. Oh, that reminds me. I used to have an editor who, when I'd be packing up my things to leave for the day, would say, "Hey, Omar! Thanks for stopping by!" He was a funny guy. His other variation was, "Hey, Omar! Take the rest of the day off." Oh, newsrooms. Lois-Alien ignores her and goes back to staring at the screen. Tess, offended, asks if she's bothering Lois. "I need to find my son," the alien says. Whoah! Are you looking in the classified ads from 1975? Tess, amused, asks, "Your son?" Yeah, didn't you know Lois is pushing 40? Tess says it's difficult to imagine a mini-Lois running around. You could never, ever give that child sugar. It'd be like Gremlins up in here. Tess, walking closer, notices a man is lying unconscious next to the desk. Lois-Alien eyes her. It's a little creepy. Tess asks who the father might be. "A great leader: General Zod," she replies. She fills Tess in: their baby creation (or, "Goo") arrived attached to the Kryptonian spaceship that brought Kal-El to Earth. It was a baby barnacle. Tess, impressed, says, "A Kryptonian spacecraft!" You act like you don't believe her. Tess says it makes perfect sense. "Do you know about it?" Lois-Alien asks. Tess says she totally does. She offers to connect the alien with her son. Tess says she's also looking for a Kryptonian artifact: a crystal that was stolen from her. Before she can finish her thought, Lois-Alien asks, "Do you want to exploit me?" What, right here? In the office? Can't we get a nice room or something? Tess offers to be her partner. We'll rent a condo. Screw Proposition 8! Lois-Alien doesn't like the idea of combining resources. She tilts her head. "You're lying," she says to Tess. She thinks Tess is worthless to her. She whooshes out of the room, right past the publisher. Tess, wide-eyed, is finally impressed.