Smallville

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Follow Me. Zor-Else!

Metropolis. We're flying over The Daily Planet. Inside his office, Boy Editor is looking at a set of photos that Lois is showing him. Shouldn't they be viewing these on a computer? That's an awful lot of printer ink to waste. One photo has a huge bright spot on it. Boy Editor doesn't seem to know what he's supposed to be seeing. "Where is the face?" he asks? "LASIK, anyone?" Lois responds. Lois points to it. "That's not a face, that's a blur," he says. Is that a nipple? It must be a nipple, 'cuz I'm droolin'. Boy Editor says that a compromising photo of their philandering mayor needs two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. Meanwhile, the photo, while blurry, does seem recognizable. "Who took these?" Boy Editor asks. Lois says she did. Boy Editor tries to cut back on the venom. He says Lois is a woman of many talents, but photography isn't one of them. Now, if you need a Dirty Sanchez...You should call Sanchez. Because Lois is probably bad at that, too.

Lois says to forget the photos (sure, why not?), because the story speaks for itself. She says the golden boy mayor fell for a raven-haired nanny. Boy Editor and Lois stare at each other moonily. Destroying someone's life is so romantic. "What the hell was he smoking?" Lois asks. Boy Editor says that the mayor doesn't smoke, but some women have the power to turn men's judgment upside down. Like when producers of a TV show allow a middling actress who plays a not very interesting character to completely overtake their show for seven seasons. Boy Editor comes around the desk, and Lois gets right in his face. She asks where he learned that little nugget of wisdom. From bitter recent experience. They kiss. Right in the office. During working hours. While everyone outside the office is busting their asses to meet deadline. Sure, life is fair. Lois stops him and asks him to admit something. She thinks his decision to hire her was based on hedonism, not journalism. Boy Editor's smile fades. Wait, is there going to be a blowjob at the end of this interrogation? Because that's really going to affect how much time should be devoted to this line of questioning.

Boy Editor goes over to the filing cabinet while Lois, talking to herself, says, "I knew it. My job is a total fraud." Not total. Just like around 99 percent. Treasure that 1 percent. Boy Editor pulls out a news clip and says he made the decision to hire her before he ever saw her pretty mug. You mean before she just happened to be in your newsroom and you hired her on the spot? Wow, man, you're like fucking psychic. And badly written, I might add. We see a weird press clip of a story Lois wrote with the headline, "Fort Ryan's Hanger 44 Testosterone Fight Cages." The Inquisitor is so strapped for cash, they can't afford verbs for their headlines. And they put their headlines in the middle of the story, which his also a little strange. Boy Editor calls it an "Edge-of-your-seat exposé on underground fighting." That must be a tiny seat. So Lois got hired based on a story she dug out of a trash can and that involved her directly? Nice hire there, Grant. He must have liked the part about Lois in red latex the best. Lois smiles. Boy Editor says it was a coincidence that he happened to find Lois completely irresistible. More kissing.

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Smallville

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