Smallville

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Follow Me. Zor-Else!

Chloe, nearby, gets out of an elevator. She's walking to Boy Editor's office. Inside the office, we see Boy Editor mounting Lois right on his desk. They knock over some office supplies. Chloe, hearing it, opens the door. She sees Lois on the desk and Boy Editor kissing her. It's about to be Red Shoe Diaries up in here. Chloe, wide-eyed, closes the door. She looks worried and tired. And her hair's too short, while we're judging.

Kent Farm. The cows are enjoying Lana's time away. Up in the barn loft, Kara is staring out the huge sunset window. A dark whoosh approaches from behind her. Make way! Actor approaching! It's Zor-El, wearing a pretty funny black leather jacket. "My dear Kara, you're all right," he says. Also, they had a fantastic sale at Wilson's Leather on discontinued clothing from The Matrix. I bought six of these! Let's go get some sunglasses! Zor-El says he had a feeling he'd find her at the farm. He creeps forward and gives her a really scary hug. Kara pivots around and backs away from the barn window. She knows he tried to kill his brother. Zor-El says he's changed. He's a better man than he was. And an even better AC-TOR! He's been to a Lee Strasberg workshop, and it completely changed his technique! Expect even more emoting. And SCIENCE! Kara, her lip shiny, tries to keep up. She says that after all he's done (long, dramatic pause), why should she believe him? Zor-El says he's been given a second chance in a new world. We see his full body and his coat really is just too funny. It's definitely something stolen from the closet of Morpheus.

Zor-El promises not to make the same mistakes, including taking his family for granted. Or his obligation to help out his fellow community theatre players. "Our planet is gone," he says, "family is the only thing we have left." That and Shakespeare. Oh, the Bard. He does so lift my soul and seal up my potholes. Zor-El says he wants to start over with her and be a better father. Now cry like a baby and feed at my teat, child. Kara says she still remembers the songs he sang her to sleep. "The Major-General's Song." "We Sail the Ocean Blue." "Theme from 'Shaft'"! Zor-El promises they can be together again. With Clark and Lara. As a family. They'll buy a run-down little restaurant and turn it to the best little dinner theater performance space Kansas has ever seen! "You just have to trust me," he says. And learn your lines. And don't you dare step on my cues, you strapling! Kara wants to trust him. They hug. He tells her to wait at the Fortress for him. Unfortunately, the audition for Daughter of Zor-El is an open casting call. They'll give you some sides when you get there.

Metropolis. Papa Luthor's office. He's at his desk, concentrating on the world's most important piece of paper. We hear a whoosh. Zor-El is there, his hand arched on the desk. I demand an act-off! On your feet, Glover! Love! Valour! Compassion!? How about Hate! Ass-kicking! Defeat!? Leaning forward in a very comical way, Zor-El says, "Jor-El's vessel..." Yes? Can I help you? Would you like entry? Zor-El says the crystals led him right to Papa Luthor. He thought they were Kryptonian, but some sneaky bastard swapped them out for Folgers Crystals. It is shameful that he could not tell the difference. He grabs Papa Luthor by the suit and picks him right up. He throws Papa down on the desk. I've never been on Broadway, you bitch! Zor-El says that as Jor-El's emissary, Papa Luthor will be listened to by his family. He tells Papa Luthor to tell them they should heed his word. Papa Luthor says Zor-El's words won't help him here. He'll need to take some modern dance classes, too, and get a whole new set of headshots. Zor-El flings Papa Luthor across the room, breaking a glass table, of course. Papa Luthor crawls, trying to get to his feet. "You're just as stubborn as my brother. Soon you can be just as dead," Zor-El says. Too much? Maybe it would be more menacing if I did it as a whisper. "Soon you can be just as dead." Ah yes, much better. I was really feeling the emotion that time. He threatens Papa's life if he doesn't tell Clark to trust his uncle. Papa Luthor, still on the floor, says that Clark is following his own destiny, and he won't do anything to mess that up. Zor-El rushes at Papa Luthor, but as he does, Clark zips into the room. Everything goes to slow-motion and we see Clark punch Zor-El right in the diaphragm. But I was going to use that to PRRRRO-JECT! Zor-El goes flying. He crashes through the window and falls. Then we see a dark shape fly up toward the sky. To the fly system! Clark goes to the window and looks down. Er, Clark? He went up, dude. Just now. While you were watching. Clark looks up. Oh...There he is. Man, that guy's really good.

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Smallville

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