Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
Follow Me. Zor-Else!

Fortress of Iciness. Kara, wearing a little more clothes than usual, is wandering around. She goes to the Mighty Rack of Dildos and starts to touch them. We hear a loud whoosh. Zor-El is there, dragging Lara with him. Lara tells Kara to leave now. Zor-El tells her no. He says it's their duty to repopulate the planet. Bring me a bucket of ho's! Zor-El says they'll be what the humans would call Adam and Eve. Lara says that won't happen, because she won't be with him, not if he were the last man on...well, not if bad stuff were to happen. Zor-El threatens Clark's life. Kara asks why her dad would want to hurt Kal-El. Zor-El says daintily that it may be a necessary step. A pity, really. I did so enjoy all of the combat training we did for our scene together. Lara does a quick turnaround on her "I'll never be with you" stance. "You have me. I'm here," she says. Just don't do me on the ice or my ass will stick. She asks Zor-El not to lay a hand on her son. Zor-El agrees. He goes to the rack of dildos and starts moving them around. Let's see...which one of these says, "Destroy Earth..." He says he's putting a dark curtain over the sun. He learned it in Stagecraft Class. He says the human detritus will be killed off and they can begin their mission. A full-on Shakespeare in the round festival! Kara tries to stop him from killing everyone. Zor-El says helpfully that only Clark can remove the fatal dildo. He tells Kara that the humans need to be eradicated. Lara, who couldn't give a shit about that, says, "What will happen to my son?" Zor-El turns slowly and dramatically. He says he'll bring Clark into the Fortress for protection, but Lara has to promise not to go against him. Lara looks to Kara, but we cut away before she can agree.

Kent Farm. Clark is in the barn, using a sander to try remove the ring. Chloe stops him, saying she knows the blue Kryptonite is cramping his style, but he might grind his finger off. Clark's really frustrated. He needs to get to the Fortress somehow. Chloe tells him to take his book. She hands him a book that has an octagonal shape cut inside the pages. Just then a shadow falls over them. They go outside. Chloe checks a weather forecast video on her cell phone. It loads up instantly. It says nothing about a fatal eclipse. They go outside. The sky is darkening. It is an eclipse. Chloe says that's astrologically impossible, except on Heroes. "Zor-El," Clark says. Black hole sun, won't you come wash this episode away?

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