Smallville

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Follow Me. Zor-Else!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The exterior of the Kent home at night. There's a breeze. Chimes. A window. We peek in and see Clark, sitting on the couch, doing the forward lean of inner torment. The fireplace is lit as Clark stares at the old Polaroid of his birth mother, Lara. He leaves it on the coffee table, with a large wooden duck to stand guard. The front door opens. Kara, wearing tiny shorts and a sleeveless shirt (good thing we've got that fireplace roaring), comes in carrying a big surfboard, which looks like it's never been used. She tells Clark that Coast City could not have been more awesome. She expresses delight that Jimmy Olsen can shred the waves with the best of them. Cowabunga, dude. "Where's Lana?" she asks. Clark says she's in Metropolis visiting her Aunt Nell. Is that like when Aunt Flow comes and stays for a few days and the cows get all scared?

Kara finally notices that Clark is bummed out. She asks if he's all right. Clark asks if she ever thinks about her parents and how it's like they're practically calling out to you. Not anymore, dude. They're kinda dead. Kara says she's always thinking about them. She says her mother and father will always be with her. That's why we've never heard anything about Kara's mom before? She brings up Lara, as well. Clark says he knows stuff about Jarnelle, but that his mother's always been a mystery. Kara, backing away from Clark's emotional luggage toward the stairs, promises to tell Clark everything he'd want to know about "the amazing Lara-El" in the morning. I'm guessing she'll conveniently have an early shift at The Talon instead. She tells Clark to get some sleep. Supersleep. Dynamic 40 Winking. The Uber-Snooze.

Clark begins to hear literal whispering in the wind. He goes to the window to see where it's coming from. It's the barn. There's some incredibly intelligent hay in there. Clark goes to investigate. In the barn, Clark hears the voice of Lara. He sees a blue glow coming from the little floor hiding space where he's been hiding the blue crystal. He opens the trap door, and the camera spins toward the Blue Dildo of Maternal Memory. Clark grabs the crystal with his giant karate grip. "You must come to the fortress," Lara says clearly. "I need you, my son. Save me." Somebody! Write me a theme song about it, too!

The crystal begins to glow white-hot. Everything goes to a flash, and Clark is at the Fortress. Jarnelle is like, "I was...uh...just reading a magazine! What are you doing here? Wait, don't move. Let me put my pants back on." While he's got Clark's attention, Jarnelle tells him that the crystal was made by Zor-El (using SCIENCE!). Jarnelle pronounced it, "Zoral." Like Moral Orel. He says the dildo has no place in this Fortress. It's dirty. "My mother needs my help!" Clark screams. My son, you don't have to yell. The Fortress has surround sound. Jarnelle says that it's a little late to help Clark's mother. She's kinda dead, along with the rest of Krypton. But we can try to patch her in on a three-way call. Hold on a sec...do I hit "flash" and then the pound sign? Let me go fetch the phone service instructions. Or better yet, let me call you back in a few hours.

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Smallville

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