Smallville
Bound

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sex, Lies, And Security Video

Let's get down with some Sexy Lexy.

We open inside a very opulent and lovely hotel. If somebody in Vancouver knows this building, email me and tell me where it is, because it's gorgeous. It reminds me of the Renaissance Hotel in Austin, but with prettier lights. Where were we? Oh yes: recapping! Some tinkly, low-key rich-people piano music is playing as folks are mingling outside a ballroom, drinks in hand, wearing black ties and black dresses. I used to go to events like that (minus the tux) all the time during the tech boom when I was a business reporter. Now, editing a Spanish-language section geared toward the growing immigrant population in Austin? Not-a-so-much. But the food's a lot better now. Anyhoo, in that crowd of Botoxed ladies and closeted men is a sleek dagger of a man. Is this a gay blade I see before me? Yes, and yes! Behind Lex Luthor, two blonde women are giving him the eye. And a weird amber orb is lit up behind him. It looks as if he's got an illuminated polyp sticking out of his hip. Lex is sipping from a champagne glass. He acknowledges the admirers, but they're not his type, as we'll come to find out. Step back, bitches! And that reminds me of the high school rap-chant, "Bitch on my tip can't get her off (get off!)." It's my night to remember random shit, all right? Lex glances at his watch. He looks bored. We can't tell just yet if this is a reception or a night at the opera. Lex goes to the edge of the reception space, where you can look down and see the atrium. Lex looks to his left and sees a woman in a red dress sipping from a glass. She's pursing her lips at him, MamaKent-style. Lex is intrigued. She opens her mouth as if to say something (or to pose for a porno box cover). Some people walk by, obscuring Lex's view, and, poof! She's gone! She's totally Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream.

Lex steps forward, looking around for the woman. He takes a peek down at the atrium, and the camera swings with him. The woman in the red dress, in a sea of black dresses, is walking down the stairs. She looks up at Lex. It's no Chloevage, but the view still isn't bad. The woman keeps walking. Lex follows down the stairs. The camera does two full swivels around him until Lex's eyes settle on the mysterious woman in red. She's leaning against a rail with her back to him. Spotlights from outside flash upon them. We switch to the opposite view and get a close up of her face as Lex approaches in the background. It's a nice shot, as a spotlight flashes and the camera's focus shifts to Lex. Cut to a pink Dell MP3 player the woman is holding in her hand. The woman turns to face Lex. "What are you listening to?" he asks her. She takes an earbud out and offers it to Lex. "My favorite song," she says. It's gay dance party music. Is that Jon Secada? Seriously, it sounds like "What is Love?," but with a cooler beat. Lex listens. Mystery Red puts her hand on Lex's cheek. "What's your name?" Lex asks. Oh no he di'in't! Wait, not yet, sorry. He's asking the woman whom he does not know her name. She blinks and stares at him seriously. "Does it really matter?" she asks, but says it like a statement instead of a question. She's definitely giving off a Lewinsky vibe, this dark-haired girl. She strokes Lex's chin with her thumb. Mmmm Lexy chin chin.

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