Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Sex, Lies, And Security Video

Opening credits. I almost forgot what show this was for a minute.

Wow, the commercials really make it seem like Target is the coolest place on Earth. That's only mostly true.

The round Metropolis courthouse. A gaggle/flock/herd of reporters are waiting for Lex Luthor as he exits with his legal team. College football music: dum da da dum YEAH! At #8, defensive tight end Dirk Howe! (Raaah!) At #29, dirt-slinging cross examiner Marsha Collinsworth! (Wooo!) And it's red-haired Nelly Galan-looking defensive linewoman at #89, telling Lex not to answer any questions. Dum da dad um YEAH! Da da da dum.... The defensive linewoman holds up her hand and tells everybody that her client has no comment.

We switch to a TV view of the action. Channel 54 KPAZ is reporting a "billionaire bloodbath," and tells us that Lex was released on $5 million bail. As Lex is led to a dark SUV, the news reporter says that Lex is the only suspect, and that the victim hasn't yet been identified. The nice TV is in the Lair o' Lex, where he watches the news report grimly with LawyerLady. LawyerLady turns off the TV and asks Lex how he woke up naked next to a dead woman he hardly knew. It was a reality TV show gone wrong? Objection! Lex says he didn't kill her. LawyerLady says she didn't ask: "You're paying me to get you off [dirty!], not to prove you're innocent." She says that Lex needs to be straight with her. My God, woman, do you even know who you're dealing with? She asks if he'd been drinking. Lex says he had, at the fundraiser in the hotel. He had champagne. She asks if he was drugged. Lex says that if he was, it wouldn't be the first time. LawyerLady says that if that's what happened, it'll show up in the drug test Lex just took. Shouldn't she have been asking all these questions before he went before a judge to decide bail? Maybe I'm just not well-versed on our legal system. LawyerLady says that Lex is going to have to remember everything he can about the girl. Lex struggles to do just that. "She had a pink MP3 player," he says. "We listened to it together." LaywerLady says that wasn't on the evidence list. She asks if the woman had it with her in the hotel.

There's a knock at the door. A guard lets in a woman in a light business suit, with a severe hair pull-back and glasses. She's very early-career Joan Cusack. Would it ruin it to say who she is? Probably, yeah. She tells LawyerLady that the DA is on the phone. LawyerLady tells Lex to stay put: "It's a media circus out there. And I don't want you to say anything stupid." Lex tells her that her bedside manner needs work. And he would know. LawyerLady tells him that she's not there to hold Lex's hand: "You want a hug, call your mother." Ah, see, Lex doesn't have a mother! Ooh, burn, lady! Wait, Lex is the one hurt by the exchange! Oh, man, lady, you're goooood. Just as LawyerLady is leaving, Clark Kent, as Red Flannel Man, enters the room. LaywerLady gives Clark a dirty look as she goes.

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