Smallville
Bound

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sex, Lies, And Security Video

Talon. MamaKent is having a little trouble getting some foam going with the cappuccino machine. "Stupid, stupid," she tells the machine. But the machine is tired of hearing about her son all the time. Lana comes up to the counter; she commiserates that the machine once bit her. Ooooohhh 'kay, Lana. MamaKent looks at Lana with concern and says she looks pale. Lana says she had a weird dream. MamaKent doesn't want to hear about her crappy dream. She tells Lana she has a visitor; it's a woman in a nice red business suit. She's got her back to Lana. The lady turns and...it's Jane Seymour! Dr. Quinn, I presume? Lana looks at the woman with exhausted horror. Jane Seymour -- who's not looking as hot as I remember her, at least not in HD -- tells Lana that she looks beautiful. Now older TV stars are telling her this? Man. We get it. Lana's pretty. Shit, already. Still freaked out, Lana says, "I'm sorry...do I know you?" In a nice British accent, Jane Seymour says that she's Jason's mom. Jane asks if she caught Lana off-guard. Lana lies that she didn't, but changes her answer to "yes." Jane says that Jason isn't expecting her. They sit. Lana asks if she wants some tea. Jane jokes that it may seem impossibly British, but that she can't drink tea from a mug. She asks about Jason. She says she hasn't spoken to her son since he left Paris, and that he hasn't returned her calls. Jane says that Jason thinks she's angry at him. "You're not?" Lana asks. Jane says she just wants to see her son. Lana says she's wanted to meet Jane, but that if Jason's not ready to have his mom around, Lana can't have a relationship with her either, behind his back. Jane nods. She doesn't want to put Lana in that position, she says, but asks Lana to tell Jason she's in town and staying at the Smallville Inn. Lana agrees to that. Before she goes, Jane says it's strange that Lana acted like she recognized her when they met: "How can that be?" Lana shakes her head. Jane smiles and tells Lana she should visit her in Metropolis. She kisses Lana on the cheek and tells her again that she's beautiful: "I see how why he had to be with you." As soon as Jane turns, Lana looks nauseated and shudders. Wow, that was exactly my own reaction to this scene.

Smallville High. Chloe, whose hair seems to be shorter now, walks into the newsroom of The Torch. Clark is there, still wearing his red flannel. Jeez, wash your clothes, farmboy! Chloe asks where Clark's been. He tells her he was visiting Papa Luthor in jail. Chloe asks why he'd do that. Clark says he got a lead from Papa Luthor; he was told to find the girl's car at the hotel, and Clark thinks he tracked it down. Clark narrowed down the search for the car, but hasn't been able to link a name or address to it. "I'm not surprised," Chloe says. "Let me try." She sits at the computer chair and does her online magic. Clark is annoyed that the police aren't doing this investigating. Chloe says that the police think they've already got their guilty man. Chloe wonders aloud if this might not be a set up by Papa Luthor, the way he's feeding Clark this advice. Clark thinks that Papa Luthor changed in prison. Chloe warns Clark not to trust Papa Luthor. She says that Lex is in great hands anyway; he's got the Johnnie Cochran of fictional DC Comics-based shows, Corinne Hartford. LawyerLady! Chloe says that Lex needs a good publicist. Chloe shows Clark the front page of The Daily Planet. "Luthor Sex Scandal Expands!" reads the headline. Ooh, bad headline with one word on the second line. I do like "Expands," though. The subhead should be, "Evidence mounts as case becomes engorged with steamy details." Chloe says the story reveals that more than thirteen women have slept with Lex in the last year. Clark is stunned. Chloe asks what's wrong. It's his man, girl! He's pissed! Clark explains that Lex told him this was a one-night stand that never happens. "And you believed him?" Chloe asks. Poor, pathetic, deluded, gay Clark. The cheater! Chloe's vehicle search turns up an "Eve Andrews, twenty-eight," in Metropolis.

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Smallville

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