Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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Cops + Capes = Crap

Commercials. Oh, how my kid loves Kraft cheese. We have to hide our slices deep in the fridge.

The coast of Metropolis, Kansas. That great coastal city. Right. Danny, his two corrupt buddies and Clark open the sliding door of a big, scary warehouse. Officer Obviously Corrupt says he got Danny a little present. We see the suspect from Danny's photo stand up suddenly. Other cops are there guarding him. Danny, really pissed off, goes at the guy. The guy raises his hands and says that he was acquitted, no strings attached. Danny punches him right in the gut and, even worse, points at him as he says, "You got off on a technicality, you piece of trash cop-killer!" Piece of trash. Indeed. Go all out, dude. There's no censors around. Danny punches the dude in the face twice. "Do you have any idea what you did to my partner's family!?" Danny yells, "What you did to me!?" As the punches continue, Clark steps forward slightly, calling Danny's name. Corrupt puts a hand out to keep Clark back. He says they may not control the system, but they sure do control the streets. More like the insides of torture warehouses. More smacking. The oily not-so-criminal guy has a mouth full of blood. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he says, pathetically. Danny hesitates. Corrupt calls out, "Danny, he killed your partner. Don't hold back. Justice must be served." Danny gulps. He's not sure what to do. The guy falls to the ground. Corrupt Jr. asks Clark if he's going to man up and help his partner. He hands Clark a tire iron. Before Clark can beat a guy, the cops are shot with electric tranquilizer darks, right in the chest. Hey, what about their vests? They fall and shake, even Danny. Green Arrow appears, costumed up. He's holding his crossbow. A cop tries to stop him, but Green Arrow kicks him, then spins and shoots two more darts. One of them is caught in mid-air by Clark. In his deep, murky voice, Oliver says, "Clark, what the Hell are you doing here?" Getting shot by a dart, you dick. Clark tells him to get out. Green Arrow shoots his grappling thingy straight up and sails away. It would be hilarious if he was just hanging from the ceiling, unable to swing anywhere. "Little help? Please?" Danny, though convulsing, could still see Clark and Green Arrow's little pow-wow. He doesn't look too happy about it. That dart looks like it really hurts, too.

Isis. Lana, still holding Tess at gunpoint, leads her into the command center. She asks if Tess was this devoted before or after her accident. Tess is impressed by Lana's not-very-impressive research. Lana says that three years ago, Tess was in South America collecting disease samples for LuthorCorp. All right, that's a bit more impressive. She says Tess's camp was destroyed by an explosion and she was left for dead. Not Left4Dead? Because Tess would be an awesome super-zombie. Lamely, Tess says Lex saved her life. She owes him everything. Didn't Oliver save your life, too? Lana intends to show Tess how Lex repays that kind of loyalty. She types something and offers to open her eyes. On the screens behind Tess, a live image of Lana appears. Tess turns around and the camera POV shifts. When Lana speaks, there's an echo. Lana says that a nanotransmitter was wired to Tess's optic nerve. Tess moves her head and watches the camera move on multiple screens. It's creating a video-echo effect. Video screens inside of video screens. Lana says that Tess has been Lex's eyes and ears for quite some time. What about when she was having sex with Oliver? Oh mah goodness! That's hot! Lana says that Lex is watching them right now. Way to tip him off, Lana. Tess, meanwhile, is horrified. She holds up her own hand and moves it around in front of her face. In front of the screen, the video echo makes it look like a strange sea creature. Tess's eyes fill with tears. Lana stands in front of her. She says that Lex may have saved Tess, but he never trusted her. The screens fill with multiple Lana's. NO! It's too much! I can't take five more Lanas! I WILL DIE! Lana says she's sorry. So am I! OH GOD, SO AM I! What a world, what a world! Tess's expression goes from horror to a tiny bit of anger. The strings of doom and scary things amp up and goose us all.

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Smallville

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