Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: D | Grade It Now!
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My Super-Boring Ex-Boyfriend
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Smallville: District Attorney Raymond Sacks tried to kill Lois and set up the Blur for it; Lois has been talking to the Blur on the phone; Zod pretended to be the Blur and asked Lois for help; Checkmate agent Amanda Waller was pissed that a mysterious "Red Queen" was entering the game. All in all, it's a very Blurry background.

Currently on Smallville: Lois is crouched in some dark, confined area. She holds up a lighter, checking out her surroundings. Naturally, she's wearing a sexy bunny costume, complete with satin ears and gold lamé bustier. "How do you get yourself into these things, Lane?" she asks. Outside, it's night, and Metropolis's social elite are arriving at a club for a party. The back-alley entrance either means that the party is sort of seedy or the set department didn't have room in the budget for anything fancier. One man in particular is greeted warmly by other party-goers as he arrives. It's Raymond Sacks, the smarmy District Attorney I thought was possibly mauled to death by one of the Wonder Twins. Guess he wasn't. Ray's met by a man who addresses him as "boss" and tells him someone's waiting inside to collect the million-dollar reward. Ray continues on toward the party, schmoozing everyone he passes. He finally makes his way inside, to the strains of a jumpin' jazz tune and the applause and camera flashes of his many admirers. There's a big "Welcome Back Ray" banner in black and gold strung up from the ceiling. Under that, there's... oh God. There's a big, phony cake. We all know what's about to happen, right? The show postpones the obvious, though, by having Ray address the party: "As your ex-District Attorney, I'd like to thank you for joining me in celebrating the national treasure that is our American justice system." He goes on about how he was thrown out of office, charged with attempted murder, and locked away for a life sentence. "And yet, here I am." Everyone applauds and raises their champagne flutes to him. This first couple of minutes of this episode feel like they should be in a show about Gotham, which is just setting us up for disappointment.

Ray slips away from the crowd to go talk to a nerdy sort of guy in a quiet corner of the club. "So, I understand you have something for me." "What about my million dollars?" asks the nerdy guy. Ray smiles at him like he's going to eat him alive, and says quietly, "Don't test me, son." Just then, there's a drum roll and the focus shifts to that big phony cake. Lois pops out of the cake and very nearly out of her bustier. Jazzy trumpets hail her arrival. Everyone claps. As two men help her out of the cake, Lois pauses to toss a sly smile Ray's way. She blows him a kiss. Suddenly, Clark's there in a tuxedo, looking confused and constipated. "Lois!" She glares at him, crosses the room toward him, and punches him across the jaw. Cameras flash and the resultant picture ends up on the cover of the Metropolis Inquisitor, which then ends up on the desk of the new Daily Planet editor. "I told you to find the story, not be the story," the awesome Blu Mankuma says. Clark and Lois sit across from him, still in their party duds, even though some time has apparently passed. The two dumbass reporters have no explanation, so their editor guesses they had a "lover's spat." Clark protests that he and Lois try not to let their personal lives interfere with their jobs. "Well, you don't have to try anymore," Blu says. "Because you're both fired." Lois glares at Clark. Clark looks confused. Somebody save this damn show!

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Smallville

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