Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: D | Grade It Now!
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My Super-Boring Ex-Boyfriend

In case you were wondering what led up to that predicament, the show takes us back to the far-off times of Yesterday. A helpful title card even tells us so in a pretty font. Chloe's standing outside a sunny little cafe, dressed in a snazzy green leather jacket that Oliver's tailor must have whipped up for her. She glances around as if waiting for someone. Her phone beeps and she looks down to see she has a message from Oliver, or "EmeraldArcher1." How many of them could there be that he had to be identified numerically? Chloe smiles. He's sent her a picture of the skyline at dawn: "You should see the city from up here..." Chloe's smile busts out into a full grin for a moment before she reigns it in with a worried look. That's right, you're falling for the big jerk. Before she can think about it too much, though, Lois shows up and congratulates herself for arriving early. Chloe teases Lois about her whack concept of earliness. Lois doesn't let it get her down: "Clark's taking me up to the roof for a little stargazing," she says. "Oh," Chloe says with sudden understanding, "that explains the sudden 911 to the Craigslist queen." Chloe hands over a small wooden box, which Lois opens to reveal an antique-looking telescope. Lois is impressed Chloe got one so fast. Turns out it's a gift for Clark, which, huh? Lois couldn't go online to find a gift for her boyfriend herself? Could she not spell "telescope" or something? Chloe thinks Clark will love it. The cousins step into the cafe and have a seat. Lois excitedly tells Chloe that "tonight's the night." "In the words of the General, it's time to drop the L-bomb." Chloe's incredulous that they haven't said the word yet. Lois reveals it's not the only "relationship milestone" they haven't reached yet. Chloe stares at her like the odd creature she is. Lois pines for the easier days of her relationship with Clark, back when she looked forward to getting that first text of the day from him. Chloe smiles knowingly and looks down. "But things have been different," Lois says, "ever since we decided we could keep secrets from each other." Lois plans to change that tonight, which gives Chloe some concern. Lois thinks it's time that nothing come between them. Chloe thinks, "Aw, shit, didn't we go through all this drama with Lana?"

Smallville. Clark super-zips into the Kent house, still wearing his Blur outfit. He whooshes up the stairs and whooshes back down a second later in civilian clothes, just as Chloe is walking in through the back door. Upon seeing him, she asks, "Don't you ever check your voice mail?" She doesn't sound happy, which, you know, you can't really blame her, considering they just went through a whole thing where Clark realized he should be keeping in touch with her. Clark snits, "Looks like somebody missed breakfast in bed with Oliver this morning." Chloe doesn't let him change the subject. She reminds him that with Zod now knowing all his secrets, he shouldn't be bringing Lois into it, too. Clark is confused, as usual, so Chloe tells him all about the big date Lois told her about and how they're supposed to "come clean" with each other. This is all news to Clark. "I'm not going to tell Lois anything," he says. "I'm making Lois dinner tonight so she shares her secrets." Jerk. Clark says Lois has been keeping secrets from him but he didn't want to use his abilities to spy on her. How very noble of you. I dub thee Sir Ass-a-lot. Chloe scoffs. "So you're going to seduce it out of her?" She also reminds Clark he's behind all the problems he's having now. Clark whines that he hasn't called her as the Blur in months. Chloe makes his brain kaplode when she points out that Lois lied to Clark in the first place at the Blur's request. He comes back weakly with, "A relationship with secrets can never work." He holds up Chloe and Oliver's relationship as an example of honesty and doesn't think he and Lois should be any different. "If Lois is going to trust me tonight, maybe it's time I trusted her." With that, Clark heads out the door, leaving Chloe to wonder what the hell just happened. Don't think on it too hard, girl. I tried and got a migraine for my troubles.

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Smallville

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