Smallville
Combat

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Club Dead

Arena hallway. Maddox, now in his announcer gear, is wearing a ruffled shirt and doing his best impression of GOB from Arrested Development. He asks what Clark thinks of the name "The Man of Steel." Eh. Not much? Maddox says that each of the fighters gets a moniker, and that it's a name people won't forget. They reach the computer area. Two girls in colorful wigs help Maddox to put on his shiny sequin coat, as he asks Clark to play it up for the cameras since people are paying top dollar to see the fight. Clark asks about the crowd. Maddox says that there is no audience. He puts on sunglasses and says that they're trying to keep this thing secret, so they use "50,000 WATTS OF SOUND!" instead. Maddox points to a computer bank and says he just bought that. I kind of like Maddox. He's the kind of sleazy character they could have stretched out a lot longer on this show. The crowd sound goes up. The cage door rises. Maddox and Clark walk in. Lights go up. Maddox, play-boxing at Clark, says that spectators pay to see the fight, and that the crowd noises pump up the fighters. Clark asks for Kane. Maddox says that "Titan" is the main event. Maddox, camera spinning around him, says that he wants to warm up Clark with an easier fight. He says that all the fans want to see is somebody dying. Clark asks whom he's fighting. Maddox points to the opposite gate. A guy is pushing Lois, still in her ridiculous get-up, into the ring. She tells that guy that she hopes he likes the taste of vinyl, because he's about to get a mouthful of patent leather. "Lois?" Clark asks. She notices him. Clark frowns at her gear. "Smallville?" she asks. See, this is absolutely ridiculous, but I kind of like the comic book-like twist here.

Six minutes' worth of commercials. They should have named Gong Li's character in the movie Curse Of The Golden Flower "Titular." And then named the movie after her.

Most boring exterior shot ever. Inside, Maddox is on a computer monitor, gearing up for the show to go live. A producer counts down, "3, 2, 1." I thought the 2 and 1 were supposed to be silent. A microphone falls from the ceiling in a replay of the bit with which we opened the episode. Maddox the Announcer pumps his fist and does a chicken dance toward the mic. He jump-kicks and flashes his buckle. Shiny! Yet dull. He introduces tonight's undercard. This time, we stay with him as he does the introduction of "the voluptuous, the vicious...VIXEN!" Lois emerges. Somebody took her red leather outfit, cut off the midriff, and made a red jacket out of it. Tailory! A girl with sunglasses and a blue wig (is that Blue Iris's granddaughter?) takes off Lois's jacket. Oh, don't act like you don't like getting imaginary cheers and being looked at online, Lois. "Yummmmy," says Maddox into the mic. He introduces Clark as "the all-powerful, the all-American Man of Steel!" The pink-wig girl in the white bikini shows Clark into the arena. He's wearing a black leather jacket and black shirt to show how angry and angsty he is. Why not wear a black beret, Clark, so that we can see your existential ennui? Maddox says that he can't wait. He takes the ladies in his arms, and wishes Clark good luck by calling him "pretty-boy." Clark and Lois start to circle each other. Clark asks what she's doing there. Trying to stay alive, Lois says. She tells Clark to punch her. "What?" Clark asks. Lois tells him not to do it too hard -- just enough to make it look real. The camera is trying to make us dizzy by going in circles around them. Lois, bouncy bouncy, says that she'll hit the mat, Maddox will come in, and they'll make a getaway. Clark says that he's not going to punch Lois. Then I will! "Fine!" Lois says, angry. "Then you take the dive!" She punches Clark in the stomach. It's a steel wall. Lois grabs her hand in pain. This doesn't seem unusual to her? Someone fiddles with a control knob to raise the volume on the boos. Wow, I wish I had that for this show every week. Lois says it's not a six-pack on Clark -- it's a steel case. Clark turns to the computer room and eyejaculates some bolts of fire at the computers, making them a'splode. Everything crashes down. Good thing, because Kane is approaching the arena. He grabs the bars and growls, "Kal-El!" He raises the gate and gives Clark a dirty look. Maddox comes in and tells him to wait, because the light feed went down. Kane not care! Kane make big attack! He smacks Maddox across the face, sending him flying across the room. Go home to your mama, Jolie.

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Smallville

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