Lana's dark apartment. My wife and I just had a five-minute conversation about where everyone lives: "Chloe lives with her dad? I thought he was dead. Lana is in high school and has her own apartment? Why is Lois living with the Kents? She doesn't do anything? She's supposed to be in high school?" I just kind of throw up my hands and go, "This has been kind of an off season." Lex enters the apartment and runs his hand on the spooky but unbloodied tile. We hear a purr of a familiar voice. "I thought I'd do Miss Lang a favor and tidy up the place a bit," says Magnificent Bastard Papa Luthor as he turns on a light. He's sitting casually on a chair he isn't tied to. "She left quite a mess, quite a mess," Papa says, awesomely. Lex asks if Papa is looking for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. My favorite thing on this show is when writers two decades older than the characters try to make cultural references. Papa says that for a woman without a heart, Jane Seymour sure had a lot of blood. Ha! This is how it's done, Lex. Lex asks what Papa Luthor wants. He says he wants to offer a trade: Lana Lang's freedom for the artifact. Lex asks if his search for the three Gay Stones of Knowledge isn't getting a little out of hand. Papa Luthor reminds Lex that he was the one looking for the things in Egypt. Papa Luthor plays with a piece of fruit that rolled off onto the floor, probably in the melee earlier. Lex insists that Lana has nothing to do with this. You know, except for murder and stuff. Papa says that Lex is trying to be the gallant hero saving the damsel in distress. Lex warns Papa Luthor to leave Lana alone. "All your life you've had a tendency to let the damsel lead you straight into the mouth of the dragon." A flashing light keeps illuminating Lex's face red. Papa warns Lex not to let his feelings for Lana cripple his common sense. As for crippling this show...well, it's a little late for that one. Papa expects to see the stone the next day or he'll deliver Jane Seymour's body with Lana's DNA to the sheriff. Papa exits.
Episode Report CardOmar G: A- | 506 USERS: C+
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