Smallville
Commencement

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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A Meteor Sandwich

More rasslin' and struggling. Jane and Lana land on the floor. Jane starts to choke the crap out of Lana. She grits her teeth and smiles as she does it. Lana's eyes suddenly glow pinky-purple. Jane gets scared. Lana throws her over. She reaches for the stone, which is, like, three inches away, but instead of just grabbing it, she uses Bullshit Witch Force to fling it toward her own hand. Fuck this Yoda shit. Lana/The Countess raises the artifact above her head with both hands, taking about twenty minutes to do so, during which time Jane Seymour makes no move to defend herself. The stone comes down. Stabby! It gets Jane right in the chest. She gasps. A white light comes from the wound and bathes Lana/The Countess. Lana looks like she's having an orgasm. Close-up on her back, where that pesky shaft-and-two-balls tattoo glows, then disappears. Lana opens her eyes. Jane dies. Wow, you can't really see it without HD, but Jane's got a case of the fur-face. The Countess is gone. Lana sees blood on her hands and starts to freak out. Did I do that? Lex is in the doorway, the top button on his black shirt unbuttoned. He's ready to party, murder-style. Lana shakes. Smell ya later, Seymour.

Kent Farm at night. Tinkly mystery music is playing. Clark is sleeping on the couch. Again. Is fighting with Lex all the time really worth it, Clark? Just kiss and make up, already. The camera swivels on sleeping Clark's face. We start to see some lights on it. He wakes up suddenly, wondering what's up. The TV goes on, set to static. All the lights in the house flicker on and off. The gas fireplace turns on with flames. Flames, I tell you! A grandfather clock's hands are spinning, and the chimes go off. They sound exactly like the grandfather clock my parents bought in the Black Forest that used to go off at all hours of the day. An ancient radio on top of a mantle has a dial that turns back and forth like a windshield wiper. Clark thinks, "Electricity...I've always suspected...it's evil!" Shelby the Dog goes to the front door and scratches on it. Clark is about to have one of those close encounters of the turd kind, right in his pants. Clark goes to investigate. Dumb-ass. He opens the door and is bathed in bright white light. Oops. If he were wearing tights, they'd be soiled right now. Clark walks into the light. Outside, it's totally not even that bright in the front yard. Shelby barks. Clark looks to the sky and sees colorful light. We're basically seeing the aurora borealis here. Clark looks amazingly unimpressed with this celestial light show. Even Shelby is emoting more. Hey, I think I see the Virgin Mary up in those lights! The lights come together to form one very bright dot of swarming light. It blasts at Clark.

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Smallville

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