Smallville
Commencement

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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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A Meteor Sandwich

Kent House, also at night. Hey, did you hear? There's a Batman Begins preview! No, wait, let me put a huge bug across the entire bottom half of the frame. Ah. There we go. Now you know! Clark is moping in the kitchen about how he thinks his dream was some sort of warning. Bo and MamaKent -- who are raising an alien son with superpowers -- naturally think it's nothing. Bo says that Clark used to have nightmares all the time as a kid. But those were all about the time he accidentally walked in on Bo doing improv comedy for the cows. Every suggestion from the audience was for a scene involving "Moo." Clark thinks he needs to do something if it is a warning. Bo thinks he needs to get some "shut-eye" so that he's not half-asleep during tomorrow's graduation. Eliminating the "daylights" should help with that "shut-eye." MamaKent agrees. Just then, a pair of awful blue pajamas attached to enormous and even worse bunny slippers clomp down the stairs. Ah, Lois Lane. I was worried I might find a reason not to be annoyed with this scene. Lois says she heard the commotion. She says, as if on a completely other show where her blathering is the norm, that she had a nightmare the week before about a guy in a red cape. "Wow, that's horrible Lois," Clark says. If you're going to go cheesy, could you at least make it tasty, edible cheese? This is moldy feet cheese. Clark takes a sip from his mug. Lois decides that this is the perfect time to tell the Kents that she's leaving. Wow, that entire-season guest spot just flew right by. Lois says she's been recruited by IRONSIDE! to go look for her sister in Europe. They're heading to Heidelberg the next day. Sprechen sie "annoying"? Lois says with mock concern that she knows Clark will miss her. She asks him to keep his tears to a minimum. Yeah, this cute/hate thing never gets old. Clark smiles cutely. Bo takes a swig from his mighty bovine mug. Lois sincerely thanks the Kents for everything and says that they're the mom and dad she's always wanted. Bo says she's always welcome. "Actually..." Clark begins, but MamaKent cuts him off to say they all feel that way. Lois says she'll miss them. Shelby the Dog comes up to the table, and Lois acts like she won't miss him.

Lana's dark apartment. My wife and I just had a five-minute conversation about where everyone lives: "Chloe lives with her dad? I thought he was dead. Lana is in high school and has her own apartment? Why is Lois living with the Kents? She doesn't do anything? She's supposed to be in high school?" I just kind of throw up my hands and go, "This has been kind of an off season." Lex enters the apartment and runs his hand on the spooky but unbloodied tile. We hear a purr of a familiar voice. "I thought I'd do Miss Lang a favor and tidy up the place a bit," says Magnificent Bastard Papa Luthor as he turns on a light. He's sitting casually on a chair he isn't tied to. "She left quite a mess, quite a mess," Papa says, awesomely. Lex asks if Papa is looking for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. My favorite thing on this show is when writers two decades older than the characters try to make cultural references. Papa says that for a woman without a heart, Jane Seymour sure had a lot of blood. Ha! This is how it's done, Lex. Lex asks what Papa Luthor wants. He says he wants to offer a trade: Lana Lang's freedom for the artifact. Lex asks if his search for the three Gay Stones of Knowledge isn't getting a little out of hand. Papa Luthor reminds Lex that he was the one looking for the things in Egypt. Papa Luthor plays with a piece of fruit that rolled off onto the floor, probably in the melee earlier. Lex insists that Lana has nothing to do with this. You know, except for murder and stuff. Papa says that Lex is trying to be the gallant hero saving the damsel in distress. Lex warns Papa Luthor to leave Lana alone. "All your life you've had a tendency to let the damsel lead you straight into the mouth of the dragon." A flashing light keeps illuminating Lex's face red. Papa warns Lex not to let his feelings for Lana cripple his common sense. As for crippling this show...well, it's a little late for that one. Papa expects to see the stone the next day or he'll deliver Jane Seymour's body with Lana's DNA to the sheriff. Papa exits.

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