Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
A Meteor Sandwich

Commercials. I get hungry from a pizza ad.

The Caves of Contrivance. Brooding music plays as Clark enters the double-dog secret room and slips his memory stick disc into the slot on the Octagonal Table of Interstellar Media Compatibility. Clark calls out for his father to talk to him: "Tell me what you've done!" Blinding white light. Clark is suddenly in the freaky blue soundstage zone. Or inside a ball you'd buy at Spencer Gifts. Jor-El tells Clark that he brought this upon himself. Clark asks what he did. Jor-El says that Clark was supposed to unite the Three Gay Stones of Knowledge. Oh those. Clark says that they have nothing to do with him. Jor-El says that the knowledge of the universe was for Clark only, but that he chose to deny his heritage. Kryptonian sell-out! Clark asks whether Jor-El sent the meteor shower as punishment. Jor-El says he didn't do shit. Human blood has been spilled on an artifact, which has created a great disturbance in the For-- er, in space. Clark asks how he can stop it. Jor-El tells him there's nothing he can do. He warned Clark about the damn stones and that the three need to become one. A Gay Stone Threesome, if you will. Jor-El says that it's the only way to save Earth from annihilation. That all worked really well in Chasing Amy. Clark yells that he doesn't know where they are. He whines that he doesn't have time. Jor-El says that if Clark doesn't get his ass in gear on those stones, there'll be a fire from the sky that even Clark won't survive. It'll be crispy. "The future of mankind rests in your hands, Kal-El," his dad says. Clark asks for help and says he can't do it alone. More white light.

Cut to the streams of flaming meteors above the Earth's atmosphere. One burns up right in front of us. Next on 24! Forty-five minutes until the meteors hit.

Kent porch. Shelby comes out as MamaKent follows through the front door. MamaKent's holding a yellow blanket that she says she can't believe she almost forgot. Bo's like, "Uh, yeah, woman, but we're about to get squashed." Clark superzips into the scene. Bo asks him to help secure the truck. Clark tells his folks they'll have to go without him. But they wanted you to push! Bo asks if he has to remind Clark that the last meteor shower that came was full of Kryptonite. MamaKent says that Clark could get killed. Clark says he spoke to Jor-El. His parents are both like, "Aw, FUCK!" Clark tells them he has to find the Gay Stones of Knowledge and unite them under the colors of Benetton or some damn thing. Completely full of emotion and rocking the line readings, MamaKent says, "No! You're my son! You're not going to go on some suicide mission!" Bo tells Clark that he may be stronger than steel, but that he's not invincible. Only a platitude for the ages can achieve that. "I know, Dad," Clark says quietly. He says he's the only one who can do this. Not looking that tired you can't. Bo and MamaKent look at each other gravely. Somehow that wins the discussion. "All right," Bo says. Clark looks like he's going to cry. Bo tells him to listen: all the years they spent raising him, from a toddler to the man he is now, "was for this moment." Daaaamn. "You do this, son, you make us proud," Bo says. It's by far the best and most convincing scene of the finale. Maybe of the whole season. Hugging. MamaKent cries. She hugs Clark, too. She puts her hand on his cheek and lets him go. Clark reluctantly walks away as his parents face the other way. MamaKent bitterly reminds Bo that the meteors can kill their son. "I know that, sweetheart," Bo says. Wanna take a platitude, Bo? I won't make fun. He says that if they have faith in their son, they can't let that faith waver now. Ah...sweetness. Now MamaKent really does lose it. Bo holds her.

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