Smallville

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Naughty Of Lies

Out behind The Talon after the party, Chloe and Jimmy are saying goodnight to some guests who are leaving in a cab. They agree to see them in a few months for the wedding. Chloe tells Jimmy, as she holds his arm, that she wishes his parents could have been there to share the celebration. Jimmy says his dad is about to close a big deal in London. Chloe hopes Jimmy had a good time at the party. She asks if Jimmy knows what her favorite part was. He jokes that if it was Lois's toast, he's getting a prenup. Seriously. What the fuck? Can you get legally emancipated from a cousin? Chloe, hugging Jimmy, says that she looked over at Jimmy when Clark was saying his spiel and that Jimmy had a wonderful smile on his face. It wasn't that great. It looked a bit weasely. Chloe says it means a lot to her that Jimmy is all right with the whole Clark situation. Jimmy says that's all history and that the future is the Chloe and Jimmy story. Worst. Spinoff. Ever. Shut it, Jimmy. Big hug. Jimmy looks a bit worried when Chloe can't see his face. Chloe suggests they go upstairs for some much-needed alone time. Jimmy likes that idea. Just then, some headlights turn on, illuminating the two of them. Stark music plays as we see the figure of a person standing between the headlights of a nearby car. The figure, wearing gloves, pulls out a gun and shoots Chloe in the stomach. She goes, "Ooh!" and falls down. Then Jimmy gets shot in the shoulder. The gunfire is not very loud, leading us to think it's not real bullets. Jimmy falls backward. Chloe and Jimmy land side-by-side, on the street. We see the mysterious person's legs walking toward them.

Opening credits. Commercials. Liv Tyler and her sister like the Nintendo DS. Don't rub it in, Nintendo.

Jaunty little music plays as we pan across a woman's pair of high heels. Oh no, they got Zalman King to direct this episode. It's the Super Shoe Diaries. We keep panning and see Lois waking up, her hair all over her face. She's lying on the Kent living room couch. Sunlight is stirring her evil soul. She blinks and pushes her blanket aside. She's wearing a Smallville Crows football jersey with the number "8." Aw, I miss Clark's brief football days. "Smallville!" she yells. "Good afternoon, Lois," Clark says chirpily as he walks into the living room. He's carrying a glass of water into which he plops an Alka Seltzer. He hands it over. Clark is looking pretty smug today. Lois sees her dress from the night before draped over a nearby chair. She glances at it, then back at Clark. "Please tell me we didn't..." Oh, man. Is she serious? She really doesn't know if she might have slept with Clark? Are there any brain cells left in there? We're supposed to admire and root for this alcoholic asshole? Clark goes through several expressions, including curiosity, confusion, comprehension and then sheer terror. He scoffs when he realizes what she's asking. "You're hysterical when you're hungover," he tells her. Clark tosses over her dress. He assures her that she got dressed all by herself. "In the middle of the kitchen, for like an hour," he says. Heh heh. Best line of the episode, by far. Lois doesn't drink much of the hangover cure. She notices a giant bowl and pot next to the couch on the coffee table. She guesses she must have taken a ride on "The porcelain highway." Clark says it was a cross-country trip. Clark opens the curtains and the sunlight hurts her head. She's part Gremlin! Lois says Clark didn't have to take care of her. She thinks she would have been fine staying at The Talon. Clark doesn't think Chloe and Jimmy would have enjoyed the Whitesnake sing-along. Oh, that truck ride to the Kent Farm must have been awesome. By which I mean horrible beyond imagination. Lois suddenly remembers she was supposed to go with Chloe for a dress fitting. Clark asks if she needs a ride. As she puts on her high heels, Lois says she doesn't need Clark's help. He reminds her that her car isn't here. She was in no condition to drive. I'm sure she would have tried anyway. Lois takes up Clark's offer on the ride.

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Smallville

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