Smallville

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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Naughty Of Lies

The evildoer's lair. Chloe and Jimmy are clamped down into chairs opposite each other. Chloe has a wired sensor attached to one of her fingers. We see the abductor. He's wearing a generic, greasy happy comedy/tragedy mask. Or something like that. It's so amazingly bland, like the villain himself, that it's not even worth describing. He tells Jimmy and Chloe that the "Art of abduction" is surprisingly hard. It's easier when the two people being taken are together. All right, 10 seconds in and we already know this guy's full of shit. NEXT! Even Chloe's not scared. "We would hate to inconvenience you!" she snarks. Without missing a beat, Masky McMarriage Counselor says it's no problem. In fact, it's his duty. To please that booty? He rolls out an ancient-looking lie-detector machine. "It's fairly harmless and not complicated at all," Masky says. Sounds awesome. He speaks like an instruction manual. As he pulls out two giant jumper cable clamps and walks them over toward Jimmy, Masky says that a lie detector is just a device that listens to your heart. Roxette would have liked it. Jimmy asks if the jumper cables are harmless, too. "No. This is electricity. Electricity hurts," the man says. He attaches the live cables to Jimmy's metal chair. Chloe asks if the guy gets his kicks torturing innocent people. No, that's the show's job. The guy says calmly that he's doing them a favor. He tells them that not everyone is meant to be married. He lectures them about couples who rush headlong into marriage without taking the responsibility it takes to be totally honest. He attaches clamps to Chloe's chair. He grabs Chloe's arm with one hand and holds her hand with the other. He says those who are dedicated have no secrets. Masky turns on the lie detector and the electrical generator. He holds up a controller button and asks "James" a question. He asks if Jimmy has ever cheated on Chloe. Jimmy takes a long time to answer. He finally says, "No." Oops. The lines start moving on the lie detector graph. Trigger time! Chloe is jolted by blue electricity. Jimmy stands up, stretching out his wrist bindings. He yells for the guy to stop. He thought he was going to be the one to get the juice. "Lies don't hurt you!" Masky McMarriage Counselor taunts, "lies hurt the ones you love!" Chloe breathes deeply. Masky pushes Jimmy back down and tells him to be honest. I think I just figured it out. This is a shot-for-shot remake of that Robin Williams movie License To Wed, right? Jimmy explains to Chloe that a crazy woman came up and kissed him and he had "A freakin' heart attack." Chloe knows. She says it wasn't Jimmy's fault. "You're the only girl that I've ever loved," Jimmy tells her. Masky starts cranking up his electrical device as he warns them that Chloe is next. He wonders aloud how many lies Chloe is hiding behind. Chloe has an "Oh shit" moment.

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Smallville

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