Smallville

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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Naughty Of Lies

We see the sign for the stationery store. It's called "nibs 'n' quills." Ew. Lois is yelling from outside the store that she'll never come back for a "Nib" or a "quill" if it's the last place on Earth to get supplies for an S.O.S. Clark holds Lois back from getting run over by a cab and complains about her shakedown methods. He says the guy they were questioning was 70 years old and had just gotten out of the hospital. He still had his medical bracelet on. Ha. Lois is incompetent. Lois reminds Clark of their dire situation. She asks what he wants to do next. He wants Lois to go back to the newsroom. Lois has a better idea: she wants to pose as a couple. "Don't even go there," Clark warns her. Where won't she go? She's practically Carmen Sandiego. Clark doesn't think anyone will believe their story, not even for a second. "Clark Kent," she says, smiling, "will you marry me?" Oh, for fuck's sake. Clark raises an eyebrow. He doesn't look too happy.

Commercials. I haven't played Dead Space yet, but it looks creeeeeepy!

Must we? Honestly? All right, but I don't have to like it. Lois and Clark walk into a bright, nicely lit jewelry store. What, no steel and blue neon? Are you sure this is the right show? Lois asks Clark to smile. He counters that he's got them in short supply and doesn't want to waste one. Oh yes, this is going to be a blessed union, indeed. "Can I help you?" asks the store representative, who has a clean-cut Neil Patrick Harris thing going. He's wearing glasses, too. He's added a pinch of Tim Gunn to the mix. Lois lays it on a bit thick as she pulls a reluctant Clark forward. She says they're finally ring shopping. "Who's the luckiest girl in the world? I am!" she says. Clark says this store was recommended by friends. The jeweler asks if there's a particular piece they'd like to see. Lois goes straight for one of the nearby display cases. She calls Clark "Pumpkin" (as in "Country bumpkin?") and he calls her "Muffin" right back. Mmmmm pumpkin muffin. That sounds good right now. Clark says it must be nice to help so many happy couples. The jeweler says he loves helping solidify the bond between husband and wife. Clark holds up a ring. The jeweler gets all excited, calling it a perfect circle with no beginning and no end. Wouldn't you say that about every ring in the store? Do you sell broken half-rings in the shape of an egg? The jeweler asks Lois to try it on. She enthusiastically holds up her hand. Clark does not rush to put it on. She calls him "Poodle" and tells him that he'll have to do this in front of a packed house sooner than he thinks. Can we save it for syndication? "He has performance anxiety," Lois confides. The jeweler thinks that is awfully funny. Clark jams the ring onto her finger. The jeweler marvels at the perfect fit. Just then Oliver walks into the store. Oops! Lois and Clark shoot each other worried, guilty looks. He asks what they're doing there. Lois asks if Oliver didn't get their invitation yet. "Tell him, cupcake!" Lois insists. This scene is making me hungry, man. Clark tells Oliver, in the slowest way possible, that they're getting married. Oliver is like, "What, what, WHAT?!" He laughs and then starts to believe them. "You're just full of surprises lately, aren't you, Clark?" he says, a little aggressively. "I know, right?" Lois says. She lies that they had one magical night and couldn't deny their feelings any longer. Binge drinking was involved. Oliver shakes his head in disbelief. Is this a Bizarro World episode? Oliver asks if this is true. "I'm afraid so!" Clark responds, the way you tell someone they have ass cancer. Lois leads Clark out of the store, depositing the ring in the jeweler's hand. Notice that she doesn't give the jeweler any personal information like an address or phone number. He has to just search later for random Lois and Clark combinations, I guess. "See you at the wedding!" Lois announces as they leave. Oliver is still flummoxed.

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Smallville

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