Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Ice to See You

Just then, a blond guy in a letterman jacket walks up to Clark. "Hey, Kent," he says, trying to be smooth. He asks if Chloe is flying solo. Well, no, because she hasn't grown wings from all the kryptonite in Smallville. But we anticipate that'll happen by Episode Eight. "Believe me, Shawn, you're not her type," Clark says, a little defensively. Shot of Chloe in her more-fashionable- than-the-ratty-trenchcoat furry jacket warming herself by a fire. Shawn says Clark would be surprised. Then, as Clark looks on angrily, StudShawn goes over to Chloe, who is blowing warm air into her hands and rubbing them together. Lacking either wit or style, or even aplomb or suavitude, possessing neither common sense nor taste, eschewing manners and modern laws of dating alike, and probably doing a whole volume of other things I won't list here, StudShawn tells Chloe, "If you want, I could rub them for you." You see, because it's The Sexy, right? No. Not really. Chloe looks up. "Well, nothing heats up a body like friction," StudShawn adds, and suddenly I'm very tired because I don't have enough words to describe how lame it all is. Chloe looks away as though she just witnessed a particularly gruesome cow stunning. Then she cracks, her mask shattering like fine china, only not so fine and not from China. "Wow," she laughs. "I can't believe you just delivered that line with a straight face." For one brief moment, I think maybe the actress broke character and we're seeing "Behind the scenes of Smallville," but my faint hope is dashed when the cameras keep rolling. StudShawn calls Chloe by her name (she's as surprised as me), and says that he reads her editorials in The Torch. He sits down next to her. Chloe reminds StudShawn that he dumped the girl she sits next to in class last week, and now he's trolling for fresh meat. "It was mutual," he lames. Then he says he's not going to make a move on Chloe no matter how pretty she is. Rat bastard liar. Chloe does the low self-esteem head bow of shame, and then smiles shyly. Just then, two Jock Ensigns holding a football call StudShawn over to go throw some passes by the water. He looks conflicted: stay and score with the school newspaper editor, or go play with the boys? Because this is Slashville, he elects to go. But first he asks Chloe her phone number. She gets all giggly, like she's left all her snark at home, and writes it on his hand. Chloe has no notepad with her? She even plays like he's not going to call her and she's not going to hold her breath. Please, Chloe, you're already turning blue. StudShawn gets up and leaves while Chloe puts her pink pen to her mouth. No subtext there.

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