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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Ice to See You

Inside the indeterminately named coffee shop, Clark asks Lana if she's busy. She says she's completely swamped, what with being in a coffee shop reading a Russian classic. (It's Doctor Zhivago, incidentally.) Clark says there's a "thing" the next night. No, Clark. A "thing" is a monster truck rally. A Radiohead concert is a "Holy Thing" or a "Miraculous Thing" or a "Thing That Was Sent FedEx By God and At Least Like Five Or Six Angels." It's not just a "thing." Lana's eyes light up, as well they should, when she sees the tickets and asks how he got them. "A friend," he says. Rosycheeks asks her to go. "I'd..." she begins, and he cuts her off, "Just as friends!" Wuss! Superwuss! Lana smiles, knowing that she's off the hook in the nookie department, and says "Definitely. I'd love to."

Rosycheeks, Chloe, and Sneaky Pete are walking past the school. Chloe is incredulous and impressed with Clark's news of the pseudo-date. She calls the "just as friends" thing a "rider," and guesses that he got the tickets from a "follically-challenged individual." Rosycheeks thanks Chloe for giving him the initiative. Maybe Clark should be getting on his knees, thanking Lex instead. Well, maybe not the "getting on his knees" part.

As they're talking, ShawnPop spots Chloe and, rubbing his hands for warmth, comes up to her to ask, "Don't I owe you a phone call?" She says he does. ShawnPop asks what she's doing right now. She says she has to put the paper to bed. With milk and cookies? As soon as she says that, ShawnPop turns and spots someone else to go stalk. He sees "Jenna," and chases after her before Chloe can pull out her mop and soak up all of her dignity, which even now is staining the green grass of Smallville High. "Okay, I was playing barely hard to get," Chloe complains to Clark and Pete. "What's the problem?" You're asking these guys? Chloe says that Clark gets a date, and suddenly there's no luck left for the rest of them. Sad music plays as Sneaky Pete puts a gentle, non-threatening black arm around Chloe. Would it kill the network to have Pete have one date with one girl that's not completely platonic? My goodness. As Clark walks away, he spots ShawnPop talking to a blonde girl, and nervously rubbing his hands and bouncing, as if he has to piss himself.

Shower radio. Yes, even in a shower in Smallville, we are not safe from crap alt-rock. The blonde girl from before is washing her hair and singing along, for a mercifully brief moment. She's bathing by candlelight. Camera pans down a hallway toward the bathroom as steam billows out. Jenna (if she's going to get messed up, can I pretend she's one of the Bush girls?) hears creaking and stops. "Shawn, is that you?" she calls out. The camera moves into the bathroom, where roughly six thousand candles are burning. I don't think the Vatican has this many candles. "I've been waiting for you," Jenna says through the almost transparent shower curtain. "I thought you might like to take a shower," she says, and turns off the shower radio. She's smiling. Naughtily. A shape appears on the other side of the curtain (we're inside now with Jenna) and exhales on the curtain. Frost appears where the shape is breathing. "What are you waiting for?" she asks, biting her lower lip in Lolita-by-way-of-bad-acting coquettishness. "The water's nice and warm." Foreboding music plays. "Shawn?" she asks. ShawnPop opens the curtain; he looks like he's in the Blue Man Group. Jenna screams and backs further into the shower. "Shawn! What happened to you?" she asks, knocking over anonymous shampoo bottles. (No sponsor this week?) ShawnPop leans in and grabs the spraying shower head. The water starts turning to ice pellets, spraying all over Jenna's legs. A bottle of Head & Shoulders is on the floor of the shower. Jenna grabs the shower curtain and falls out, wrapped in the plastic just like in Twin Peaks. "I'm sorry," ShawnPop says. He doesn't know what's wrong. Jenna says she's getting scared and asks what he wants. "I just want. To get. Warm," he says, and leans in; she is backing away. He grabs her by the shoulders as she pants and panics. He leans in to kiss her. The blue spreads to her until ShawnPop is WarmShawn. He backs his head away and we see Jenna frozen in blue terror. ShawnPop moans, then smiles. He lets go of Jenna's shoulder and she falls back, still frozen. We stay on ShawnPop as she falls, and we hear a sickening shattering. Okay, I'm officially creeped out for the first time since this show started. As WarmShawn walks past all the candles on his way out, they freeze in his wake.

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