In keeping with this week's episode theme, we're going to assign a kind of food to each scene. Don't worry. It'll all make sense.

We start up on a glass house (don't throw stones!) with a sign that reads "Melville Nursery." A guy we can assume is Mr. Melville walks up to the entrance wearing a big puffy brown vest/coat over a flannel shirt. He waves at an extra as he passes, because he's just that damned friendly. Cut to inside the greenhouse, where someone with work gloves is holding a carrot and messing with some greens. Papa Melville, a doughy balding man, walks in and sees his daughter, who is wearing a purple sweater hardly designed for gardening, as she plucks out little kryptonite stones from the soil. What does she think, that Lana dropped her necklace in there or something? How does she think these glowing, humming stones are normal? Daddy Melville tells the girl that if she's not in the mood for spaghetti, he can order Thai. They have Thai food in Smallville? Right. Because it's so ethnic. The girl says she doesn't want either: She wants to look good for Lana's birthday party. Dad tells her she's focusing a little too much on the one party. The girl, who will be known later on in the episode as "Cellulita" because she sucks the fat out of people (sorry if I ruined the surprise for you), is shown spinning around to face her dad for the first time and GOOD GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER NECK!?! The poor actress is wearing a fat suit, and it looks like her neck is trying to eat the rest of her. And her body doesn't look as overweight as that neck would imply. Cellulita says nobody likes her, and why should they: "I'm a cow." She's not going to eat any more food, "just this," she says, picking up a bushel of carrots. What, carrots aren't food? Don't tell Bugs Bunny. He'll be pissed. Dad looks very worried. He examines some soil in a bucket where a glowing piece of kryptonite lies. This scene was a dry sandwich, no mayo.

The offices of The Torch. Cellulita is cutting out pictures from magazines, pasting copies of photos of her face on the bodies of models. And who among us has not done that? Right now, my head is pasted onto Jack Black's body on my desktop. At one point, Cellulita seems to take particular pleasure cutting off the head of a swimsuit model. The WB just got a cease-and-desist letter from Sports Illustrated. Chloe, whose hairflip has calmed to the point where she doesn't spontaneously fly away, comes up to Cellulita. "Cutting the heads off supermodels," she snarks. "Kinda redundant, isn't it?" You mean like Chloe and a pair of scissors being in the same room? Cellulita says that she was looking for an outfit to wear to the party. A bikini? Chloe asks if Cellulita can give her and Pete an "algebra download." Cellulita asks, from deep within her neck, if Clark doesn't usually help them with that. Pete says that Clark is preoccupied helping the birthday girl with her party prep. He does a little dance when he says that, and Cellulita jigs right along. It must be love. To sweeten the download deal, Chloe purrs, "We'll even buy you luuuunch." God, Chloe can be so cruel. That scene was an apple that started out kinda sweet, but then you find a dead worm that choked on its own vomit inside.