At Animal Control, Clark has used his amazing influence to ask where to find a bathroom. He and Chloe skulk down the hall, Twin Peaks-style, to find the dead deer. The fluorescent lights aren't flickering, at least. They find the deer behind a locked door, and while Chloe goes to find someone in maintenance, Clark breaks the doorknob. He plays it off that the door was already broken when Chloe comes back. He attributes it to "Kent charm." Kent charm works on knobs? That I believe. Clark lifts the sheet, which is kind of comical being that it's lying over a deer, and Chloe positions her digital camera. "Looks like jerky," Clark says, grimacing. Yum. Chloe picks up a chart with a lab report which says that the deer lost 80 percent of its body fat. Damn that Jenny Craig and her Slim Yourself To Jerky diet! Chloe says it's like it was liposuctioned to death. Somewhere in Hollywood, Joan Rivers's ears are burning. Clark suggests, jokingly, that it was a fat-sucking vampire. Now Cher's got hot ears. Chloe says this is Smallville, "land of the weird, home of the strange." This scene brought to you by delicious Slim Jims.

Keys tapping on a computer. A Web browser window. The URL www.smallvilletorch.com is typed in. Synergistic product placement much? The typer turns out to be Lex at the computer, sipping on some orange juice. Oh, I get it. They're comparing his future evil rampage to that of O.J. Nice symbolism. At first he's on a page that asks you to choose your zodiac sign for your own personal horoscope (shades of Cassandra from last week's episode?) and then it takes him to The Torch's site, where there's a headline about Smallville being the strangest town ever, as well as an article about the most controversial speech ever given in the town and some assorted ads. Lex gives the page a long, hard look. In my heart of hearts, I pretend that he's looking at this page and feeling some sort of connection. Yes, fine, I'm weak. This scene was a big, tasty ice cream sundae with sprinkles. But no cherry on top.

Cellulita's bathroom of body-image shame. Dad is knocking outside the door, asking if she's okay. Inside, we see photos of Cellulita and her father in happier times. He says, through the door, that he has to go to Metropolis on business. Nursery business? Is there a sick elm in the city or something? He says he's sorry he's going to miss her big date because he'll be gone until Sunday. "It's okay," she tells him, trying to sound bright. We're still panning across photos of the two of them, as well as a few pictures of Cellulita's head pasted onto models' bodies. He asks if he can at least see her before she leaves. She says she's "kinda indecent" right now. Like Britney Spears. Dad looks very worried and says that maybe they need to talk to someone. He doesn't get specific, but at least he's concerned. Cellulita says she doesn't need a shrink. "I just want you to look in the mirror and be happy," he says. We finally see her. She looks thin, but sad. So it goes. "Daddy. I am," Cellulita says. Dad leaves, and she stares at a picture of the two of them in less lean times. As she gets emotional, we do a quick jump-cut back and reveal that the absolutely huge bathroom is covered with food all over the floor -- pizza boxes, snacks, and the like. This scene is pure comfort food: mashed potatoes and a chicken-fried steak.