Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Constant Craving

Kent House. Lana walks in to the Kent home and is greeted by Bo Duke, who asks, while pouring coffee, "Would you like a latte?" Hearing Bo Duke say "latte" is just wrong. Lana declines, saying it gives her bad waitressing flashbacks. Impressive recall of a past episode. Instead, she's here to put in her produce order before her big bash. Because you know all the kids love eating those radishes. Just then, Clark walks in carrying three bushels of heavy-looking fruit. He doesn't see Lana and talks on about how he got a post planted by busting through some granite. Everyone stops. "Very impressive," Lana says finally, after Clark notices she's there. "I had a sledgehammer," he says. Don't let Lex hear you say that, boy. Bo Duke excuses himself. Lana and Clark go to the other room, but MamaKent stays in the frame, so we see her react to the following dumb proceedings. Much small talk. Then, finally, "If you want, I could be your escort on Saturday," Clark offers. MamaKent perks up, her lips puckering into a soul-sucking, infinitesimal "o." Lana looks serious and in pain for a moment. "You know…so I can fend off your throngs of adoring fans," Clark says. You know, I was pretty lame in high school, but even without superpowers to hobble me, I was never that lame. At least I don't remember being so. MamaKent looks highly amused. Her pucker grows wider. Lana says, "Sure," and MamaKent can't believe her son, the dork, got a date. Lana excuses herself quickly, because she wants to remember what he said so she can post it all over the forums and let her friends mock it. "And Clark," she says before leaving, "promise me you'll make it this time." "I promise," Clark says. Bad move, superdude. As soon as she leaves, MamaKent mocks Clark's mack technique. "What's wrong with that?" he asks. "Nothing. I just don't want to see you get hurt," she says. Hurt by his raging dorkitude. "We're just friends," Clark says unconvincingly. MamaKent says she's butting out, but then her butt is right back up in there when she asks what Clark is getting Lana for her birthday. He's super, but not that super. He doesn't know. "My mother always said, the best gifts come from the heart," MamaKent tells him. "That's it!" Clark thinks, "An aorta!" This scene was a big hunk of Brie with some mold on the back end.

Cellulita's blender of kryptonite Jamba Juice. Her dad walks in and sees her making the shake. He asks if she's okay. She says she's super, thanks for asking, and that she even got a date to Lana's party. "That's great," Dad says, and really seems to mean it. What a dad. He asks her to eat something other than the shake, and she surprisingly agrees, saying she's tired of counting calories. Dad leaves, late for an engagement. Cellulita drinks the shake. Next, we see her on the bathroom scale. She starts at 149. Pauses around the 130s. Her belly groans and flattens. She ends up down at 115. We pan up to her face, which is angular and with eyes that are starting to look hollow. She smiles and then, realizing she's hella hungry, goes to the kitchen. From inside the fridge, we see her eating everything in sight. We even have to jump-cut because damn, this girl can eat. Chicken. Bread. Potato salad. Chips. Pie. A Ding-Dong. She goes to the counter and starts munching there too. Fast-paced music plays as she wreaks havoc. This is a binge, right? At one point, she opens a Jell-O cup with her teeth and squeezes it all into her mouth. Yes! I bet this actress was so pissed that they made her eat all that. She finally stops eating and falls to the floor, her stomach groaning and moaning. She starts to look scared. Cellulita is going down. The floor: Littered with groceries. We see the blender with the green shake stuff in it in the foreground as Cellulita sits on the tile, panting. She gets up, grabs the blender, and flings it against the wall, where it shatters and sprays green goo everywhere. She bends over, her stomach still making noises. This scene was an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord.

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