Smallville
Craving

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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Constant Craving

Keys tapping on a computer. A Web browser window. The URL www.smallvilletorch.com is typed in. Synergistic product placement much? The typer turns out to be Lex at the computer, sipping on some orange juice. Oh, I get it. They're comparing his future evil rampage to that of O.J. Nice symbolism. At first he's on a page that asks you to choose your zodiac sign for your own personal horoscope (shades of Cassandra from last week's episode?) and then it takes him to The Torch's site, where there's a headline about Smallville being the strangest town ever, as well as an article about the most controversial speech ever given in the town and some assorted ads. Lex gives the page a long, hard look. In my heart of hearts, I pretend that he's looking at this page and feeling some sort of connection. Yes, fine, I'm weak. This scene was a big, tasty ice cream sundae with sprinkles. But no cherry on top.

Cellulita's bathroom of body-image shame. Dad is knocking outside the door, asking if she's okay. Inside, we see photos of Cellulita and her father in happier times. He says, through the door, that he has to go to Metropolis on business. Nursery business? Is there a sick elm in the city or something? He says he's sorry he's going to miss her big date because he'll be gone until Sunday. "It's okay," she tells him, trying to sound bright. We're still panning across photos of the two of them, as well as a few pictures of Cellulita's head pasted onto models' bodies. He asks if he can at least see her before she leaves. She says she's "kinda indecent" right now. Like Britney Spears. Dad looks very worried and says that maybe they need to talk to someone. He doesn't get specific, but at least he's concerned. Cellulita says she doesn't need a shrink. "I just want you to look in the mirror and be happy," he says. We finally see her. She looks thin, but sad. So it goes. "Daddy. I am," Cellulita says. Dad leaves, and she stares at a picture of the two of them in less lean times. As she gets emotional, we do a quick jump-cut back and reveal that the absolutely huge bathroom is covered with food all over the floor -- pizza boxes, snacks, and the like. This scene is pure comfort food: mashed potatoes and a chicken-fried steak.

Stock footage shot of Smallville High. Take that damn "Fly to Victory" banner down already. Ha! Lex is in the offices of The Torch, looking at a news clipping of a man holding a two-foot carrot. He's practically licking the newsprint, he's so close to it. "Most of my friends are trying to get out of high school," we hear Clark say from behind. He's trying to be charming like Lex, but clearly it's not working. Okay, slash fans: Set your phasers to "Gay." Lex turns around, smiling, of course. He says he wants to pitch in a computer lab to the school. He's standing next to the Wall of Weird. "They might even name a lunch special after you," Clark jokes. The question you have to ask yourself, Clark, is would you eat it? Clark asks why Lex is around. He says he's always hearing about his plant manager Gabe's daughter, the reporter for the newspaper, and our beloved flippy-haired girl, Chloe. Lex says he's intrigued by the Wall, and Clark moseys right on over, because he might be losing Lex's affection to an inanimate collection of news and photos. He explains Chloe's theory that everything weird in the town started with the meteor shower. "Interesting theory," Lex says. Lex asks if Clark remembers where he was during the meteor storm. Clark says he doesn't, because he wasn't adopted yet. Not really a lie, when you think about it. Lex explains about his helicopter ride and how he was out in a field and didn't remember anything until he was in the hospital, completely bald. Man, Lex could be reading a list of his least favorite insects and I'd still be hanging on his every word. Lex says he doesn't tell many people that story, and that he walked away from death. "I'm sorry," Clark lames. "It's not your fault," Lex says. This is like the fifth person to tell Clark that. Stop apologizing, ya superwuss! Lex says that when he was younger, kids thought he was a freak or on chemo. But over time, he saw his baldness as a blessing, a sign of power and definition. And virility. Don't forget the virility. Lex tells Clark that he thinks his future will be brighter than the rich spoiled brat that walked into the cornfield. Clark smiles at Lex. Awwww. Chloe walks in, interrupting, and calls him "Mr. Luthor." He asks her to call him Lex, shakes her hand, and brings up her meteor theory. Lex asks if anyone else shares her idea. She says Dr. Hamilton does, but Clark points out that this Dr. Hamilton, whom we haven't met yet, also sells plastic meteor chips to tourists. Lex tells Chloe to call when she wants a summer job. He's got friends (one blackmailed friend, at least) at the Inquisitor newspaper. "I'll see you tomorrow," Lex tells Clark, giving him a lecherous up-and-down look. Lex says he heard that Clark is escorting Lana. "We're just going as friends," Clark says for the billionth time. Lex wishes him luck and hopes he got her a good gift. "Yeah," Clark says under his breath, clearly under pressure to deliver the goods. Summer sausage taste.

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Smallville

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