Before Clark is even out of earshot, a woman in the background asks Lois, "A little down on love?" How'd you guess? Lois turns and tells the woman -- who's sitting at a table with wares spread out all around her -- that cupid could use her for target practice and she wouldn't feel anything after her last breakup. The woman -- who has a smooth low voice and a pretty face -- tells Lois that she may need a euphoria elixir or a romance remedy. Or maybe some crack. Lois, given the hole in her head where her better judgment should be, totally falls for the sales pitch. She jokes that, as far as moving on is concerned, she's still waiting for acid wash to come back in style. The woman removes a small box from a chest and tells Lois to try it; she says it's made with jasmine and aphrodisiac oils. I like oily jasmines! "I get the brilliant hue from red meteor rocks," the woman adds. And right there, Lois should run away, screaming, but for the purposes of this episode, she has to be a complete idiot and forget everything that's ever happened in this town. The box, which is lit at the bottom, holds a tube of lipstick. Lois is skeptical. The mysterious woman says that if Lois wears the lipstick, she'll fall in love with the first man she sets eyes on. How is any of this appealing at all? The next guy she sees could be Bam Margera's dad. Lois decides that, at the worst, the color might not look good on her. Lois looks into a mirror and puts on the lipstick very, very slowly. It's very bright red. Magic music plays as the lips shine. In the mirror, Lois seems to have on quite a lot of other makeup, too. Tone it down, Lois. It's not 1987! Clark appears in the mirror behind Lois, looking lost. She smiles. She sees him by the doorway and goes all moony. "Clark," she says. Oh lordy. This one's gonna be a stinker. I can feel it in my brittle bones, people.
Opening credits. Commercials. And the winner for worst movie title of the year is...The Astronaut Farmer! Woo! They really nailed the demographic for this commercial placement.
A hand reaches for an invitation in a small box. The hand belongs to MamaKent, who still wears her wedding ring. You're never gonna get laid like that, lady! The invite reads, "LL: Mr. Alexander Luthor & Ms. Lana Lang Cordially Invite You To Celebrate Their Engagement. Don't Bring Capital Letters. We Have Plenty." Given that they have beeeellions of dollars, the invite looks a bit cheap. No colored letters? No fancy foil or onionskin? No cute ringtone when you open the card? What the fuck, Lex? It should come with a disembodied hand that gives it to you, at least. MamaKent is using the phone to RSVP. She gets off the phone quickly as Clark comes down the stairs. She asks how the Valentine's Day party went. She knew about it? Traitorous mother! Clark says that he survived another day. MamaKent starts to say something, but Clark stops her and says that if it's love advice, he already got his quota.