...because just then, Clark and Lois burst into the room. Security! Oh, what's the use? Clark is wearing his "Cool Rider" black leather jacket. Lois, in shiny leather, with a black neck scarf, is a Pink Lady gone bad. Clark says it looks like they missed dinner. "Clark," says Lex. "What are you doing here?" I was going to ask why Papa Luthor and Nell aren't there. Clark says that he wouldn't have missed this. Lana wisely puts down her drink. Lex's mouth twitches. Clark goes straight for his mom. He says that his own mother would rather raise a glass with the enemy than stand by her son. Cold-blooded! "Clark," MamaKent says heavily, not bothering to get up and try to escort him out of the room, "you're not yourself." Clark says that it's all right: "You're more a Luthor than a Kent these days anyway." Clark leans forward on the table to needle that Bo's only been dead a year; he asks who can blame MamaKent for joining the race with Lana to see who can have "Luthor" monogrammed to her name first. MamaKent shakes her head a tiny bit. Lana tells Lex that Clark is obviously on something and is looking for a reaction; she asks Lex not to react. Lex just gives Clark a dirty look. Nobody else here knows what the hell Clark is talking about. Clark scoots over to turn his attention to Chloe: he says he's not surprised to see Chloe celebrating there; her years of unrequited pining may finally pay off for Chloe now that Lana's off the market. Clark leans in to Chloe's left ear and whispers, "I can't say I haven't thought about it." Lois gives Clark a distressed look. "And you," says Clark, saving the worst for Lana. He circles the table as he says that if Lana were going to rebound, why not choose the person he hates the most? Clark says that the joke's over by now. Lex says that Clark has done enough damage, and asks Clark to leave. "I am not done yet!" Clark screams. Lana half-closes her eyes to signify rage. Clark goes to Lex and says that he hasn't given him a gift yet. He picks up Lex's glass of champagne and walks past him, congratulating Lex for sealing the deal. Clark throws a baby rattle at Lex. Lex, off-guard, catches it. "To baby Luthor," says Clark, raising his glass. There are murmurs of surprise from those gathered. "The real reason that Lana's marrying you," Clark adds, making sure to burn every bridge with plenty of tinder. Lex dives at Clark, but Clark easily spins Lex onto a champagne glass fountain. It, predictably, crashes. Lana goes to Lex. He's unhurt. "How dare you!" says Lana, approaching Clark. He grabs her by the arm and says that if no one else in the room is going to save her from Lex, he will. He pulls Lana to the door. Lois stands in front of Clark, trying to stop them: "I don't think so. Lana is your past. I'm your future." Clark says that this is the present. Lois loses her smile. Clark walks past her, dragging Lana along by the arm. They exit. Lex is...well, understandably upset.