Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
'Ships Of Fools

The Barnness of Beatingadeadhorseitude. A comet flies across the sky, and somehow we've gone from a full moon to a sliver in the same night. Clark is still dragging Lana by the arm up the stairs to the loft. She complains that Clark humiliated her in front of her friends. Did he drive her to the barn? With his truck? That he drove from Metropolis? With Lois? Clark says that Lana didn't know any of those people at the party. Lana, standing near the window, asks what Clark wants from her. He yells that it's what he's always wanted: for her to be happy. Nice one, Clark. Lana says that she'd love that, but that every time she gets close, Clark rips it away from her. Clark tells Lana that she'd never be satisfied with Lex: "You can't marry him." Lana insists that she's already made up her mind. "Even though you're still in love with me?" Clark asks. Are we really still on this shit? Did I wake up back in Season 3? Good lordy, people. If we're tired of this, imagine how these actors must feel. They've probably already bought their plane tickets and rented moving vans for the day Season 7 wraps. Lana turns and heavily says, "What makes you so sure?" Clark says it's because he's still in love with her. He leans in to kiss Lana. She takes a surprised breath as Clark forces a kiss on her. Just as quickly, she gives in and kisses back. She puts her hands on Clark's shoulders, and we get a tight shot of her engagement ring. They kiss long enough for us to go to a wider shot; Lana is shaky as the kiss breaks. "Don't marry Lex. Marry me," says Clark. Lana gets mad and pushes Clark away. She cries as she says she's given Clark every chance: "I've stood in this spot so many times!" Girl, we know. Damn, do we know. Lana sniffs, tears in her eyes. "You don't love me, Clark. You just can't stand the idea that I love someone else."

Lex calls Lana's name from downstairs. Clark's superhearing didn't pick up on Lex's car driving up? Lex, downstairs, calls again. Lana answers and rushes down the stairs to meet him. They hug. Clark, up in the loft, says that Lana should tell Lex that she wants to be with him. "Don't listen to him. He's on something," Lana tells Lex. Does she really believe that it's just drugs? Clark says that it didn't seem to bother her when she was kissing him two minutes ago. Lex takes a moment with that, and then steps forward. He asks what Clark thinks will happen now. "Exactly what you're afraid of," Clark answers. Lana says that she's not a competition. Because what would be the prize? More Lana? Yeesh. Clark comes down the stairs, all cocky. He says that Lex has always wanted everything Clark has, and Lana was at the top of that list. Clark says that Lex just wants a trophy, and that Lex is just a consolation prize for Lana. Which discounts that the two of them might be a lot happier if Clark wasn't around, but whatever. "Now, tell me you don't love me," Clark says, but he says it looking right at Lex, creating a very unexpected Gayest Look of the Episode! Way to pull one out of the fire, Clark! Lana doesn't answer. Lex looks unsure. Clark steps forward, repeating the question. Lex busts out a gun, pointed at Clark. He tells Clark to stay way from her. "You don't want to do that," Clark says. "You can't win. You don't even know the rules of the game." Clark pushes the gun away, pushes Lex through a set of breakaway boards, and pins Lex to a wall. Lana tries to pull Clark off as Clark chokes Lex. He's Chokey McGee! Clark says that if he had known who Lex would turn out to be, he'd never have saved him on that bridge. "Clark, you're killing him!" Lana yells. She keeps trying to pull at Clark. He gives her a dirty look. While Clark is distracted, Lex digs in a nearby toolbox and pulls out a huge screwdriver, stabbing Clark with it. Clark suddenly grunts and falls. The screwdriver falls to the floor. Standing behind Clark is MamaKent, one hand behind her back. She stays in place, telling Lana to let MamaKent handle this. She asks Lex and Lana to leave. Lana looks to the floor and sees the screwdriver. Its tip is all bent and mangled. She leads Lex away. Clark gasps and looks up at MamaKent. She's holding a glowing green rock in a lead box, but closes the lid as she bends down and holds Clark's head. He's sweaty and shaken. She asks if he's all right. Clark just breathes quickly, gasping for air. Dramatic flourish on the soundtrack.

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