Smallville
Crimson

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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'Ships Of Fools

Star's shop of smelly stuff. Jimmy enters. There are little bottles and soaps everywhere. This is the kind of place where, if you're allergic to certain smells, you walk in and your head just falls off. As Jimmy browses, Star appears in the background and asks if he's looking for a little inspiration. Did she just offer him a hummer? Jimmy says that he already has a muse. He picks up a bottle and asks if this stuff is supposed to make you blissful. "Not 'supposed to' -- it does," says Star. She's wearing a sexy apron and a band in her hair. O sexy, squinty smellsmith. Jimmy says that sounds easy: you're on the rebound, you rub on some sexy goo, and you're singing Barry White again. Don't hurt the snakes, baby. Star says that indigenous cultures have used herbal oils for centuries. They were very oily cultures. She says that we've strayed so far from nature, we think we're above it. I'm not at all above some sexy-ass oils. Baby. Jimmy dismissively says, "Nature good, greehouse gases bad, I get it." Jimmy says that they think Star dosed Lois the night before with love potion. "Tall, loud, down on love?" she asks. Also: annoying, chesty, abrasive, listens to Whitesnake. Jimmy asks if Star has any anti-love exfoliate or something to take the Vaseline off the lens, so to speak. It's always assumed on this show that outsiders will know exactly what the hell these characters are talking about. How rarely does that actually work out in real life, when people talk in pop-culture references and snark-speak? Star squints intensely behind her and finds a vial that will counteract the aphrodisiac. It's a familiar tube of glowing green liquid. Yeah, this might not end well. Star says that she usually has a sixth sense about people. She hands Jimmy the vial. Squintily. Star: "Something tells me Lois and Clark's destinies are a little more entwined than they realize." Good memory, Star; she remembered the name Lois said the night before. Jimmy licks his lips. If things don't work out with Chloe, might I suggest hitching your star to...uh...Star?

The big engagement party. I gotta take a deep breath before this one. (INHALE.) (EXHALE.) (PEE BREAK.) All right. Let's do this thing. The party's at the mansion, and it's pretty fancy. There are white drapes on the ceiling above beautiful chandeliers (borrowed from the baby's room?) atop a very, very long table. You know, we did ours at The Brick Oven, and I bet our food was tastier. You really can't beat brick oven lasagna. Waiters serve a very fancy feast to the Lex and Lana's guests, very few of whom we'd recognize. We don't see Nasty Nell or even Papa Luthor. Very fancy chocolate cups with strawberries are served. Chloe sits next to Lana. MamaKent, across the table, beams at Lana. Lex, at the opposite end of the table, gives Lana a pleased look. Why aren't they sitting together? They should have dinners like this, with the bride and groom completely apart, for when you're getting a divorce. Lex clinks his glass, stands, and asks for everyone's attention. He thanks everyone for coming, saying that a few of them have probably placed bets on whether he'd settle down. He says that this couldn't be further from settling. Oh really? It's not settling? Marrying the first girl from a tiny town in Kansas who doesn't try to kill you or steal all your money? Who was dating your best friend? Who doesn't have a job, any real skills or much of a personality? That's not settling, Lex? Because I'm having a hard time defining that word now that you've blown it out of the dictionary. Lex raises a glass and toasts Lana for making him happier than he ever thought he could be. All these older strangers, none of whom we know, raise their glasses. Lana raises hers. Is that sparkling cider? You know, it's all right for a pregnant woman to have a small sip of wine, or even a glass. But we don't even get to talk about that...

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