Lana is running. She's wearing a white and blue snowflake sweater and holding a cell phone. She's running through what looks like a warehouse. She tells Clark, "It's happening." Yeah. And it's awful: Lanaville. Clark, alarmed, asks if Lana is there. More static and buzzing on the connection. "Lana?" Clark says. "He's got a gun!" Lana yells as she runs, holding the phone. We see a gunshot clip a wall as Lana turns a corner and runs past it. Also on the line: an announcer giving the results of a basketball game. Lana bursts out of the warehouse back door and into a rainy night. She runs down some metal stairs. "Clark! Please!" she yells. Clark listens with all his might (but not his superhearing yet). A guy in a blue jumpsuit exits through the same door Lana ran out of. He's holding a rifle. Lana runs in slow motion. Clark keeps saying Lana's name. A shot is fired. Lana is shot right in the back. Blam! Capped! She falls and lands face-down in a puddle of water. Hey, I know I can be harsh on Lana sometimes, but this is ice-cold, y'all. "Lana!" Clark yells into his end of the phone conversation. Close-up on Lana's dropped cell phone. Lana lies unconscious. At the crisis center, Clark tells Pete to call the police, and gets out of there. Close-up on the bullet hole in the back of Lana's sweater. Dark blood spreads outward as the camera pulls back from a sky view. Lightning flashes. Lana's dead, baby. Lana's dead.
Or is she? Clark superzips into The Talon. He's like, "Huh? What the --" Lana and Chloe are sitting on a couch together, studying. Chloe is wearing dark pink -- almost purple -- and Lana's in orange. Something is definitely screwy here. "Knock much?" Chloe asks. It's not like you were being naughty, experimenting pre-lesbians, Chloe. Lana looks at Clark and playfully says, "You're too late. I turned off the cappuccino machine an hour ago." Zoom in on a confused, perplexed, and freaked-out Clark Kent. "So, wait, I don't have to save you?" We go to the opening credits.
"Hi. We're original Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. We don't know what the hell is going on this season, either. Re-animated corpses? Whatever, dudes."
Ooh, Hellboy. Yeah, I know it looks silly, but the director rocks and Blade 2 was a fantastic comic-book style movie. Give it a chance, folks.
Ominous power lines hover above the youth center, which, with its V-shaped roof, looks a bit like Canada's answer to Whataburger. We jump immediately to a tape playing in a tape player with "4 HEAD" in big letters on the front. Hee. Forehead. Lana is yelling for help, and Clark is calling her name from, presumably, the night before. We see Lana reacting nauseatedly to the tape-recorded incident. Pete and Sheriff Cheshire are there, too. Pete says that the call came from a blocked ID. "Sounds like your voice, Miss Lang," says Cheshire. Lana says it can't be. Clark guesses it's a prank. A very hopeful prank by a fan of the show. Cheshire busts out her homespun wisdom and says that these incidents often come from closer to home than you'd expect. Like, in the bathroom. Cheshire must not know Lana very well, because she asks if the Pink Pwinceth had anything to do with this. Clark answers for Lana that she didn't. Cheshire says that unless Lana has grown a few inches and developed an affinity for plaid (pink plaid?), Clark should shut the fuck up. Cheshire supposes somebody could be imitating Lana. "Why would anyone do that?" asks Lana. Gee, I don't know. It's not like she's had stalkers or admirers or lesbian attractions or geeking adoration from producers every week since this show's been on the air. I just don't know, Lana. It's a mystery for the ages. Cheshire makes me dizzy with her homespinning: she says that if she had the answer to all the "whys" in this town, she'd have a bestseller on her hands. Freaky Freaks and the Freaking Freaksters who Freak Them, the new book by Sheriff Cheshire. She promises to look into this. But she reminds everyone that crank calls are not a top priority. Unless the call was from Spoony Love from up above. Now, if you'll excuse her, Cheshire has to go find a suspect who called a bar looking for Amanda Huginkiss. "You okay?" Clark asks Lana. She says that if someone is doing this as a joke, they have a pretty sick sense of humor. My bad. I totally made the prank call. I thought it was hilarious. Clark vows to help figure out who did this.