Smallville
Crisis

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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El Futuro

Smallville High. It's spring all of a sudden. A bell rings. In the offices of The Torch, Chloe has hooked up the ancient tape recorder to her snazzy Alienware computer. She's got some cheesy-looking audio-editing software going. She tells Clark that the connection was bad; they're missing pieces of the conversation. Lana looks on, not wearing pink today, and worried. Chloe says that the background noise is constant throughout. Chloe's audio expertise and years of engineering training lead her to believe that the recording wasn't spliced together. She changes two settings on the audio software to lower the sound of static. We can hear the steady sound of what Lana says sounds like rain. Clark says they haven't had a storm in months. "Clark, it's happening!" Lana screams on the recording. Lana asks why she'd say that. Bad script? Clark, squinting, says it's almost as if she was expecting something to happen. Something that would advance the plot for another week until something actually important happens. Chloe gets her squint on, too. "Clark! Please help me!" the recording says. This is riveting, y'all. Yawn.

Oh, my favorite inner-ear canal. We leap, in CGI, into Clark's ear. The bend crutch tells Clark that a male voice was yelling, "You lied to me!" The closed captioning ruins everything by saying it's "[Poor Man's Wes Bentley's] voice." Clark asks if he can fiddle with the computer. He makes exactly the same sound setting changes that Chloe just made (lazy editing, I think), and somehow gets clear-as-a-bell sound of something he says he thought he heard. Now the "You lied to me!" can be heard loudly. Lana spots the voice as PM'sWB. She says she hasn't spoken to him since he left. Chloe asks how Clark heard that. "I guess I missed too many Linkin Park concerts," Clark says, lamely. I think when the cavity where your brain is supposed to be is so hollow, the sound acoustics just work better. Clark zooms in on another portion of the audio. Now we can clearly hear a basketball announcer. "He sets, he shoots...Gunnerson hits his second free throw! Unbelievable!" It's a team called the Vipers, who are apparently undefeated. Chloe says that Gunnerson was benched in the pre-season. Suddenly she's a sports expert? Chloe says that this must be an old game. Clark says, "That can't be." He says this is the first year the Vipers have been undefeated. Clark turns and pulls up a web page on another computer. Multitask-action Kent! The "Kansas Sports Network" shows that the Vipers are playing the Metros that night in Metropolis Stadium. "The Metros"? Lamest team name ever. Clark quickly browses over to "Kansas Weather Service" which has the exact same web page template as the sports one. It says there's a storm a-brewin' that night. Chloe says, "Well, if none of this has happened yet, maybe the phone call hadn't, either." Clark and Lana give her the "Wuh?" stares. "You're saying the call came from the future?" Lana asks. No, she's saying this is going to be a chore of an episode to get through. Intense stares. Clark thinks, "That's like the past, but the other direction, right?" Quick aside: we did a sketch in our comedy troupe called "Machina de tiempo" about a time-machine product that could help you go back and fix up your stupid mistakes (like sleeping with your best friend's husband). In the skit, an abusive husband follows his wife back in time, where she was going back to his childhood to figure out why he's such an asshole now. I played the kid version of the husband. I'm all rude and cussing at my mom until he appears and I get scared. I yelled something like, "Mom! That man is wearing such strange clothes! It looks like he's from...EL FUTOOOOORO!" I love that sketch.

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Smallville

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