Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | 1043 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Down With Robot Clark

We cut to a rear shot of the SUV. The right blinker is going as we pan up and see a pretty good-sized circle burned into a patch of corn. There are tiny little symmetrical fires that look very deliberate in that open space. Little CGI lightning bolts spell out the letter "S," which my wife has to point out to me because this show has killed the part of my brain that used to notice when people are clumsily paying homage to something every week. Laura Lake gets out of her SUV. She sees some naked white dude lying among the fires. "Oh my God," she says, and not in the Valley Girl way. It's Clark! He opens his eyes. Wait, didn't I see this last summer? In Terminator 3? Clark gets up. Then he stands. Did I mention he's naked? The camera stays low, though. "I'm huge!" Laura Lake asks if he's all right. Is anyone naked in a burning cornfield ever really all right? Clark doesn't answer. He's trying this silent naked thing for a while. Chicks dig it. She asks his name. He thinks, "Jell-O," but says, "I don’t know." Jell-O quivers a sigh of relief. Laura offers to take him to a hospital. "I am fine," says Robot Clark. I wish he had a Robot Dance to go with that. Laura points out that Clark is naked, just got hit by lightning, and doesn't remember his own name. She tries to be cute and funny, but then he turns around and she is humbled by his TV schlong. We see Clark's crack from behind. Why is it that every time we get a glimpse of Clark's ass, fire is always involved? "Behold my pene!" Clark says non-verbally as he leans back and Super Full Monty-sizes it. "Look at his face," Laura says cutely to herself as she averts her eyes. Then she looks down anyway. Nice cut, buddy. Clark stares at her as if to say, "Do you find my girth pleasing?" Laura Lake says she has a blanket in the car, and moves to go grab it, but not before taking another peek or two at the corn of Clark's cob. "Wait," says Robot Clark. It's like he's been programmed by Herbie Hancock. "Who are you?" he asks the girl. "Lois. Lois Lane!" she says, brightly. Good, because I was getting tired of typing "Laura Lake."

Smallville

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