Lex's airplane is flying fast through the air. Still think it's a bad idea to remind people of Lost on this show, guys. Lex, lying in treatment, holds the pharaoh in his hands. And no, that's not what the kids are calling it these days. The plane starts to hit some turbulence. Lex fumbles with the figure, and it tumbles out of his hands and lands on the floor, smashing. "Agh, no!" Lex tries to get out of bed. The doctor stops him. She tries to collect the pieces for Lex. One of them is a crystal shard with a symbol on it. Lex grabs it. It starts to glow.
Cut to outside the Kent barn. A piercing noise causes Clark to scream, holding his hands to his head. He's picking up XM radio! The noise stops suddenly. Clark swivels and looks toward the sky. Then the camera cuts and cranes down on him again. It would be funny if they just kept showing these overly dramatic shots over and over, like maybe eight times. MamaKent goes to Clark. "I am Kal-El of Krypton," he tells her. "It is time to fulfill my destiny." He's going to join the circus? "Destiny!" MamaKent spits. "Destiny sucks balls!" MamaKent shakes Clark about the cheeks and yells that it's Jor-El talking. "I want my son back," she cries. "Give me my son back!" That Annette O'Toole is acting her ass off here. "Clark Kent is dead!" Clark says, not returning the acting favor much. He tosses her aside. Overhead crane shot as a pool of CGI force starts to collect around Clark. Either he's gonna fly, or this is going to be one earthshaking fart. The camera swivels around Clark as more force collects, like that shot of Neo in The Matrix where he also, improbably, flies. More Bullet Time as Clark leaps, taking off like he's freakin' Rocket Boy. MamaKent falls to the ground. She looks up and sees Clark shoot off toward the stratosphere. She knew he'd leave the nest someday, but not like an actual bird. Clark flies through the air and through some clouds. The he sails right toward us, arms behind him. Wow. Clark is flying. Are you as giddy as I am? No? Yeah, me neither. I was totally not giddy there. I just had a little something in my eye. I think it was, um...like dust or something.
Commercials. Based on the one short preview I've seen of The Mountain, with the busty woman and the sex on the table, it looks like it should be called The Mountin'.
France. Notre Dame. For a minute, I thought it was The Louvre. Or as they call it in Green Bay, "The Favre." Chanting music is heard as Lana lets a nun step past her. Or is that "Pastor"? Somebody grabs Lana, shoves her against a wall, and starts kissing her. Monsignor Patrick, NO! Wait, Lana's a girl. Never mind. We had nothing to worry about there. It's actually Lana's boyfriend, who is called "Jason Teague," so I'm just going to call him that from now on. We cool? Cool. Lana looks seriously pissed, and tells him that they're in a church and that she has an art history project to finish. It is Too The Sexy. For Lana, at least. Jason says that when Lana invited him to an old crypt for "brass rubbing," he thought it meant something else. Lana tells him he has a dirty mind. What she actually meant was "Brass Ben-Wa Plugging." But later. Jason tries to kiss her again, but Lana pulls away, moaning. Candles are lit everywhere. This week's special guest is Sting, and he'll be singing "Wrapped Around Your Finger." Jason introduces Lana to her art project: a woman in a crypt named Countess Margaret Isabelle Thoreaux who, near as I can tell, is fictional. Jason says she was a warrior princess who kicked a lot of ass and broke a lot of hearts. Neat. Jason tells Lana that she and Margaret have a lot in common -- they're uncompromising, strong, and beautiful. When is Lana not compromising? Lana wants to get to work. Jason bails and says he has a hot date to go plan. It's Lana's birthday, too. Lana's annoyed that he knew when her birthday was. "Stop talking. Start rubbing," he tells Lana when she keeps asking questions. I remember when a line like that on Smallville was enough to get everybody going. Too bad it's being directed at Lana. Jason says, too loudly, that the festivities begin the next day at 10 AM at the Café de Fleurie. Nice French accent there. He gets shushed and goes. Lana giggles. She goes to the on-the-floor engraving and whips out her paper and charcoal. She rubs and...oh Jesus, don't make me type this. Crap. Ahem. "The beautiful woman on the crypt looks an awful lot like...why, Lana Lang! Do you think there may be a connection?" That's another 10% of my soul. Gone. There's also a funky symbol at the bottom of the drawing that looks like it should be on the side of a tennis shoe. Lana moves to touch the symbol, and it glows. Then it shoots out a ray of light that engulfs Lana as she leans back. White light continues to flood the room. Maybe this warrior princess made whatever was in the Pulp Fiction briefcase.