It was a dark and stormy night. In fact, the night was moist. Sultry, even. Thunder and lightning greeting us, we pan down and into a creepy window of the "Metropolis Children's Hospital." I bet half of the kryptovillains from this season are being treated here. We pan inside to what looks like an art class. Scary lightning! A young man is standing at an easel. Dr. Condescension walks in. He's wearing a tux and bow tie. He tells the young flannel-wearing artist that he just stopped in to say goodbye, since he heard the kid was going back to Smallville tomorrow. Don't do it, kid! You'll develop a taste for constipating cheese! The kid -- who is handsome in a squirrelly kind of way -- mutters, "Yeah. Smallville," as he draws some eyes on a rough sketch he's doing. Dr. Condescension asks how it's going. In answer, the teen artist moves his easel around with his bandaged, cast-up hand (between him and Rory from Gilmore Girls I'm wondering if this is "Wrist Injury Week" on The WB) and shows the sketch. It's a crude drawing of a person, but kind of neat in a skewed way. I can't even draw that well. Looking awfully pissed, the kid says, "You tell me." The doctor steps forward (in the very dark room) and says that the kid has come a long way in five months. The doctor says he's done lots of healing. The kid says that he's healed, except for his hand; he adds that he's never going to be able to draw again, and that's all he was ever good at. Time to go My Left Foot and learn to do some foot painting. The doctor puts one of his hands on the boy's shoulder -- which earns a dirty look -- and says that the young artist is lucky to even have movement in his hands, given his nerve damage. Dr. Condescension says that he did everything he could. "Really?" the artist asks, and brings up the five patients who are suing the doctor for malpractice. Oops! Lightning flashes. The doctor defensively says that blaming him isn't going to change the boy's condition. The boy mentions that what happened to him was a hit-and-run. I was the victim of a hit-and-run once. My car got totaled and the guy turned out to be an airline pilot. I got a nice cash settlement out of it, but it still pisses me off even to think about it. The doctor tells a sob story of how, when he was young, he applied to be a violinist at The Conservatory, but failed the audition. Nice reaction shot of Crippled Artist giving him a "what the fuck are you talking about?" look. The doctor says he was told he had a surgeon's hands. So, of course, he went into medicine. "As one door closes, another one opens," the doctor says, using his pretty non-mangled hands to full gesturing effect. "You're young. Find something new," Dr. Condescension says, before checking his watch and leaving abruptly. You just sealed your doom, Dr. Con. Zoom in on Crippled Artist. Techno music starts to play. He tells the doctor (though he says it more to himself) to have a good life.
Episode Report CardOmar G: A- | 597 USERS: C+
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