Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!

Clark delivers some unsoiled pies to Lana's pie rack at The Talon. Crap rock plays. Lana says she wishes everything sold as well as MamaKent's organic apple pies do. Clark stops short of revealing that creamy secret ingredient he's been adding to the mix. Lana hands Clark his cash. Hey, it's more money than they give at the sperm bank. Jocko shows up and greets Clark. What the fuck happened to Jocko's hair? He went from having floppy WB hair to like Francis on Malcolm in the Middle. Not that I can talk, because I have the worst hair in Texas, but still. Jocko tells Lana to keep Saturday free, because he's got two tickets to Our Town at the Metropolis Playhouse. Oh boy! Teenaged boys know that teen hotties just go moist and ready for glacial, tired, theatrical productions. It's a theatrical Roofie! (Note: Television Without Pity does not endorse or condone the use of Roofies in anything but punch lines to bad jokes.) Jocko says he saw Lana reading it at school. That doesn't mean she wants to see it. It was probably a class assignment. Dumb-ass. Jocko says he wants to make up for lost time. He kisses her on the cheek. She looks as if a dog is licking her. "See ya," he says. "Bye," Lana hisses. When he's gone, Lana tells Clark that Jocko has paid more attention to her in the last two weeks than he had in the entire last year. Um, excuse me. I've been here for the last year, and that's total bullshit. Lana says that Jocko is happy since his dad got better. She says that when Jocko needed her, it defined their relationship. Now she needs to redefine it. How about you file it under "Pathetic"? Lana asks how things are with Chloe. "Unresolved," Clark says. Lana asks what he's going to do. He doesn't know. But he says that he doesn't want to lose a friend. Lana says that once you cross that line, you can't go back. Clark says that Chloe gave him advice about...he sidesteps and says, "Someone else." Lana blinks a bit. "What happened?" she asks. She must know that Clark hasn't dated anyone -- not even the cows -- since this show started. Clark says that he decided to stay friends. Oh, now he decided? I guess that's almost true, but still sounds presumptuous as hell. Lana asks whether he regrets that. He says he does, and that he let the moment slip away and won't get it back. Lana -- who is still acting up a little matchbook-sized storm -- looks stricken. Clark says that he doesn't want to make that same mistake twice. Lana smiles, hurt. Acting!

The Torch. Gary Tru-d'oh! walks in. Chloe is sitting at a pretty green iMac. Smiling, she tells him that she sent his partial license plate info from the hit-and-run to her contact the DMV. He's supposed to fax her when he finds something. Gary hands over a rolled-up piece of paper that he says took him all night. It's a legal contract specifying that he not be used on only one episode as the week's kryptovillain. Sadly, I don't think it's legally binding. Chloe opens up the picture of "Chloe if she were a teen pop sensation," and says it's beautiful. "So are you," Gary says. Hubba hubba. He says that when he got hit by that car and was lying in the road, he kept picturing Chloe's face. Is he trying to say she looks like the front grill of a station wagon? "Why me?" Chloe asks. He says he always had the biggest crush on her. So big, in fact, that it warrants an episode title. Gary says he was about to die and regretful that he never got to tell Chloe how he felt. Chloe looks awfully touched. He says that when Chloe started emailing him at the hospital, he knew this was his chance. Chloe smiles as if she's about to cry, and it makes her look about twelve. Gary says he came all the way back for her. Strummy music starts to play. They kiss. A lot. As they do, we cut back to see a bunch of office supplies -- scissors, a stapler, a mug, a little green alien doll -- rise and float in the air. The camera does a special-effects spin around Gary and Chloe, with those objects in the air. It looks fake as all get-out, but since Chloe is a teenager in love, we'll forgive it. As they stop, the green alien is in the foreground. Chloe pulls back, and everything falls. She looks freaked out. Gary explains that, after the accident, he found he could move things. With his MIND! No meteor rocks are mentioned, although it's kind of implied that they had something to do with this. Chloe calls his power "telekinesis." He asks if she's freaked out. Chloe says she's seen stranger. Like, have you seen that show Roswell? That's some freaky shit. ["And if you haven't seen it, you're about out of chances to rectify the situation." -- Wing Chun] Gary says he doesn't want to end up on Chloe's wall. Sweetly, she says he won't. Chloe leans forward and says, "Now, let's make everything float again." I'll have to use that line sometime. They kiss again. Before anything (even Gary) can rise again, Clark busts in looking for Chloe. Gary smirks at Clark, then tries to look serious. Clark asks Chloe if he can see her outside. Give it up, Clark. You've lost this round, my super-mopey friend. After Clark and Chloe leave, a fax machine rings and chirps. Gary looks at it as a paper rolls out. "Got a Match" it says in heavy black marker over some typed info. Music of intrigue plays.

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