Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!

Once was smooth, now flat
That station wagon hits hard
Next life: compact car

The Barnness of Slashitude. Clark is reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I once read most of that on the advice of someone I was dating. It's one of those books that, more than most others, is forced upon a member of a relationship by the other member of the relationship, and usually not because things are going great. Lex walks up behind Clark. "Hey, Lex, what are you doing here so late?" Clark asks. Must. Not. Make. Obvious. Joke. Clark hides the book under his butt. Again, I show restraint. Lex says he's there to talk about the settlement with Clark's parents. Nothing else is said about this, but I'm assuming it's the settlement over all the dead cows. I could be wrong, though. Lex sits on the barn couch next to Clark. He easily finds the book -- given that it's near Clark's ass and all -- and eyes it skeptically, reading the title in bemused dismissal. Clark says he's trying to receive insight into the female psyche. "I seriously doubt you'll find it here," Lex says. Yeah, Clark. The book's written by a guy, for one thing. And not a very insightful guy, for that matter. Lex asks what the problem is. Clark says that he has two amazing friends, both of them girls. Lex says that, for argument's sake, they'll call them "Lana and Chloe." Ha. Clark says that he's always liked Lana, but that he could never get close to her. Now Chloe likes him, and he has feelings for her, too. Clark, you big ho. Lex asks which one Clark wants. Clark says that he wants to protect his friendship with both. Lex bluntly tells Clark that, in that case, he'll never get either of them. Clark says that he'll stick with the book. Lex says that love is about taking risks and putting yourself out there like a hot piece of jerky on the highway. Clark asks whether Lex has ever been in love before. Lex looks away quickly, thwarting my attempts at reading too much into the scene. He says he's only ever loved two women. One of them died, and the other one betrayed him. God, I hope he's talking about LexNanny and not Boobs McChesty. Clark says he's sorry. Lex tells him that some people are meant to be alone. Others are meant to invent the steam shovel. But that only happens to maybe one person, at most. Lex and Clark exchange a "boy, it sucks to be two swingin' single guys" look, but then Lex notices MamaKent walking in. She's teary-eyed. "Remember your principal, who used to be smooth about a year ago, but recently has been the antithesis of anything resembling creamy smoothness?" she asks. Then she reveals that the principal was killed in an accident.

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