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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Immortal Begrudged

We cut to a parking lot. That's a long way to park for a muffin. Sasha is going to her beat-up old car. She fumbles with her keys as someone puts a hand on her shoulder. Scary music stumbles. Sasha is relieved to see it's just Dr. Knox. He says hoarsely that she has something he needs. We cut to a shot of his gloved hand holding a cloth with "CK" stitched on it. Not Clark Kent, I guess. The Curtis Always Knox Twice pulls the cloth onto Sasha's mouth as she struggles. Her feet, wearing high heels, kick in a puddle. She finally goes limp. Hey, it's Dean Cain! Lookin' pretty buff, my man. Knox carries Sasha off and nobody sees it.

Opening credits. Commercials. My wife is still disappointed that her cheesy casserole didn't turn out the way it looks in the Campbell Soup commercials even though she followed the directions. Stupid false advertising!

Kent Farm. Are these even the same cows anymore? What's the lifespan of a dairy cow in Kansas? Inside, Lana, wearing living-in-sin pajamas (ask for them by name!) is making pancakes. Whoah. Maybe we've misjudged Lana. She's come a long way from her parents' crushening if she can make flapjacks without bursting into tears. Way to go, Lana! Kara, wearing a barely-there white top and some sweats, compares Lana to Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay. We get it, Kara. You watch a lot of TV. You have studied our Earth culture. I'll be a lot more impressed if you can name all the Roger Waters Pink Floyd albums. Kara offers to help. Lana says she's making Clark's favorite, blueberry pancakes. There was a joke on the forum about how it represents Clark's ever-present blue balls, and I am not one to stand in the way of a perfect theory. You guys do know that Clark and Lana are probably totally doing it already, right? I'm sure they've already had the "Will I break your vagina?" conversation. (Lana's vagina. Although Clark's emotional vagina is always in danger of bruising.) Kara asks why Lana and Clark have taken so long to get together if they're so "ga-ga" over each other. If they were any more ga-ga, they'd be a Spoon album.

Well, Kara, it's like this. They're fucking stupid as hell. And they will never, ever, ever be happy as long as this show is around. There's your short answer. I just saved you six seasons' worth of DVD-watching. Lana says that as long as Clark kept his secret, it was impossible. Kara asks if it's a human thing to be so secretive and cautious. Lana thinks it's just a Clark thing. She says it's because Clark cares so much about protecting people. Clark bounds down the stairs wearing a bright red T-shirt. Damn, dude, it's early in the morning! Tone that color down. Clark is pleasantly surprised by breakfast, but Lana lowers the boom: they're out of maple syrup. Was she really looking for it in the refrigerator? I guess if you want solidified maple tar, that's where you keep it. ["Not to defend Lana, but real, actual maple syrup is supposed to be stored in the refrigerator after you open it, because if you don't store it in the refrigerator, it will grow the nastiest mold you have ever seen. Not that...this has ever happened to me." -- Miss Alli] Clark zips out and zips right back in. Lana asks if he just went to the store. "Vermont's finest," Clark says, holding up the good stuff. He may have had enough time to get syrup, but he sure didn't have enough time for a financial transaction. Stop! Maple syrup thief! Clark's got sticky fingers with that syrup. I guess that's what they mean by "Thick as thieves."

Kara asks what happened to not showing off your powers. She turns, and just then, Martian Manhunter, his red eyes blazing, puts a choke on her. He tells her to step away from Kal-El. Step away from the farmboy! He has maple syrup! Things could get really messy up in here! Kara says that MM may have been able to bully her on Krypton, but not here. She throws his hand off and takes a swing at him. Clark is right there to catch her fist. The angle looks really awkward. That was not a great edit. Clark asks if they know each other. Kara accuses MM of having broken into her family's home in the middle of the night and kicking them out. So he was a landlord? Martian Manhunter says that after what her father did, they were lucky. Kara asks what he's doing here. Clark says that MM saved his life. He's a friend. Kara says that Clark's not very good at picking friends. Lana, in the background, should have said, "Hey!" Kara tells Kal-El to watch his back. Kara zips out at superspeed, exiting through the back door behind Lana. Lana asks if MM is from Krypton. He looks a little sheepish. "Mars, actually," Clark says. Lana, looking stunned, tells Clark that the two of them can catch up. She says she's going to meet Aunt Nell in Metropolis. She kisses Clark. And I guess all these delicious pancakes and the stolen syrup are just going to go to waste. What awful timing Martians have.

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