Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Subject: Your Imminent Death

This week: the episode that'll make you not want to check messages on your PDA/cell phone if you're a whiny princess.

Hey, Allison Mack's been added to the little between-show bumpers! She's lookin' pretty hot there. Hope they don't kill her off any time soon.

We open on a very nice overhead shot of Metropolis at night, as a helicopter flies over and past us. We can see the revolving Daily Planet globe on that building's rooftop (was it flanked by so many taller buildings the last time we saw it?), and we do a flyby as the globe spins. Then, we zoom down and in through a window into the busy Daily Planet newsroom. Ooh, nice flat-panel displays, people. My only complaint with this set-up is that everybody seems to have little dinky inkjet printers next to their desks. No, no, no. The newspaper would go out of business just refilling those crappy little ink cartridges every day. Big-ass, 11 x 17-capable networked printers, my friends. You can't have a newsroom without them.

We zoom in on Chloe's desk (she's got a "CHLOE SULLIVAN, COLUMNIST" nameplate that would get her laughed out of most newspapers) and see her GO CROWS mug. Now that one I'll give her. Unique and individualized coffee mugs are used with pride, at least where I work. I still miss my precious jade elephant-shaped mug that I sadly broke in the line of duty. Chloe is packing her shit and getting out. (Mr. Show flashback: Bob Odenkirk starts a phone sex line from his work desk and is told by the unamused female boss, "Get your shit and get out!") Chloe -- wearing a very red blazer and an even louder print shirt under it -- looks at her nameplate sadly. She's gonna miss people being able to recognize her by name when they approach.

Chloe grabs her plastic storage box and starts to walk out. Strapping young editor Max Taylor (who has his own office; nobody in newspapers has their own office until they're forty-five unless they're a fashion/arts editor) asks Chloe if she was going to leave without saying goodbye. He invites her into his office. Except that this show is on The WB, we'll find out later that there's really no reason for this guy to be a hunky young dude. Most newspaper editors look like Michael Jeter or Janet Reno. Seriously. And I'm an editor. ["And a skirt suit looks much better on you than any ever did on Ms. Reno." -- Wing Chun] Max invites Chloe into his office as if he's got Skyy vodka in there. "Blacklisted before I even graduate -- that's got to be a record," says Chloe cheerfully. In the background behind this guy's desk is a Superman-looking Atlas guy holding up the Daily Planet globe in his mighty hands. Young Luke Wilson Editor tells Chloe that he doesn't know who she pissed off, but that she ruffled some feathers. Have you seen her hair? She's does that in the mirror every day. Chloe says she has enemies in high places. Where the mob bosses drown and the Scotch chases Papa's blues away. Way Too Attractive Editor says he'll miss her. Chloe says he'll miss the free proofreader. So she's a columnist slash reporter slash copy editor? And they trust a high-schooler with their copy at a major metro paper? Perhaps I nitpick too much. A more-normal-looking office assistant stands at the door and tells Hunky Editor that his wife has called for the second time, asking about dinner. She doesn't have his direct line? Hunky stalls and says he'll call back. Then he tells Chloe that if there's anything he can ever do...well, he didn't mean it, but Chloe thrusts a yellow 3.5" disc at him anyway and says it contains stories she's been working on. Who even has one of those disc drives anymore? CD-R, Chloe! CD-R! She asks Max to take a look. He tells her he couldn't print her name in the Classifieds right now. Chloe asks if they can use a pseudonym. She writes down the name of her cousin, a girl who's not interested in journalism at all. "Lois Lane?" he asks. Do I even have to explain why a newspaper wouldn't let someone use a fake name in print?

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