Welcome back, survivors! In case you haven't heard, our beloved (and much-maligned) Al and Miles are leaving the show after this season. You're probably wondering how it went down. I think it might have sounded a little something...like this:
Al: We have demands!
Miles: Yeah, CW. If you want a Season Eight you're gonna be paying out the nose. Through your ass!
The CW: All right, calm down. What is it you want?
Al: We want a bigger budget.
The CW: You're already the most expensive show on our network. We had to cut the halter-top budget on Gossip Girl just so Clark could run back and forth from Smallville to Metropolis every 10 minutes. How far is that, anyway?
Al: Well, if we can't have more money, we want more creative control. We feel the show should be more focused on the relationship between Lana and Clark.
The CW: Haven't you been doing that for seven seasons?
Miles: Yeah, but we're tired of having people bitch about it. Can't you do something about that? Like transmit subliminal signals telling them not to or something?
The CW: That's pretty illegal.
Al: Fine. If we can't get that, then we want to bring on more guest stars.
The CW: You're already depleted the entire roster of Vancouver-based actors in our Rolodex. And you killed every last one of them.
Al: That was awesome.
Miles: We hate Canada.
The CW: Are you guys even involved in day-to-day operations anymore? Aren't you out working on a bunch of movies?
Al: I had a Webcam installed so I could see what's going on.
The CW: Wasn't that in the ladies' dressing room?
Al: I have to stay connected!
The CW: Look, guys. It doesn't seem like you're happy and we don't have much more money for you. Maybe we should just amicably part ways.
Miles: I completely agree. What does "amicably" mean again?
The CW: Good luck on your movie projects.
Al: Our movies are going to rock. I've got a bunch more Mummy movies in my head right now. Mummy Dearest, Mummies Over Morocco, Baby Mummy ...They're, like...Egyptian and stuff.
Miles: And don't forget our Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker sequels, Shanghai Sunrise, Shanghai Daylight Savings Time, and Shanghai Mid-Afternoon.
Al: Maybe this is for the best. Instead of disappointing people week after week, we could disappoint them on a much larger scale two or three times a year.
Miles: That's beautiful, Al.
The CW: Good luck to you both. We'll take good care of the show.
The CW: No. We plan to run it into the ground like a possessed plow.