It finally happens. Lex bitterly confronts Papa Luthor about this whole "Traveler" business and asks for the key to the box in Zurich. Papa tries to cleverly convince Lex that his son is The Traveler, but Lex isn't buying that. He shoots out a window in Papa Luthor's office, the better to throw Papa out of it. Lex pushes him and Papa Luthor falls to his death, magnificently. In the aftermath, Chloe and Clark investigate and Lex pretends to be grief stricken even as his inner child, Li'l Lex keeps making him try to feel guilty for the murder. Meanwhile, on a whole other show, Lois and Jimmy team up and make a startling discovery. As Jimmy was taking weird photos of Lois sneaking around in Lex's Daily Planet
office, he managed to snap a photo showing Papa Luthor falling out of the window and, fuzzily, the identity of the person who pushed him out. Lex, with the help of his assistant, The Baroness from G.I. Joe
, finds the locket key, which Papa Luthor hid in Chloe's desk. Lex confronts Chloe about the hiding, but it's just pretext to fire her. Which he does. The Baroness discovers a wayward text message to Chloe from Jimmy and Lois and chases them down to track down the photographic evidence. She locks them in a giant freezer (yes, The Daily Planet
cafeteria has a giant freezer). Chloe, who had the photo evidence sent to her at the Isis Foundation by Jimmy, clears up the image and sees Lex in the photo. But she's knocked out by The Baroness, who steals the photo and takes off. Then, in a surprising twist, The Baroness, who was earlier putting the moves on Lex, is killed by some hired thug on the street. We're left to guess that Lex wanted her out of the picture because she knew too much and was making him uncomfortable with all the heterosexual touching. Clark discovers a posthumous message from Papa Luthor (written in Kryptonian) warning him to stop Lex from getting that safety deposit box in Zurich, which will reveal a way to control him. Clark confronts Lex about all this murdering business and Lex accuses Clark of causing Bo Duke's heart attack by making him so stressed. That really bothers Clark. He finds Lois and Jimmy and frees them from the freezer. Lex, tired of hearing Li'l Lex whine, holds him in the fireplace and burns away the last good piece of his soul. Lex holds a very private funeral for one at his father's grave with no minister, no press and no friends. But Clark shows up anyway and the two of them just glare at each other over the grave. Aw, it's just what the Magnificent Bastard would have wanted.
-- Omar G. is a journalist and comic living in New Braunfels, Texas. You can find him on Terribly Happy, Space Monkeys! and at Videogamey.com.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Welcome back, survivors! In case you haven't heard, our beloved (and much-maligned) Al and Miles are leaving the show after this season. You're probably wondering how it went down. I think it might have sounded a little something...like this:
Al: We have demands!
Miles: Yeah, CW. If you want a Season Eight you're gonna be paying out the nose. Through your ass!
The CW: All right, calm down. What is it you want?
Al: We want a bigger budget.
The CW: You're already the most expensive show on our network. We had to cut the halter-top budget on Gossip Girl just so Clark could run back and forth from Smallville to Metropolis every 10 minutes. How far is that, anyway?
Al: Well, if we can't have more money, we want more creative control. We feel the show should be more focused on the relationship between Lana and Clark.
The CW: Haven't you been doing that for seven seasons?
Miles: Yeah, but we're tired of having people bitch about it. Can't you do something about that? Like transmit subliminal signals telling them not to or something?
The CW: That's pretty illegal.
Al: Fine. If we can't get that, then we want to bring on more guest stars.
The CW: You're already depleted the entire roster of Vancouver-based actors in our Rolodex. And you killed every last one of them.
Al: That was awesome.
Miles: We hate Canada.
The CW: Are you guys even involved in day-to-day operations anymore? Aren't you out working on a bunch of movies?
Al: I had a Webcam installed so I could see what's going on.
The CW: Wasn't that in the ladies' dressing room?
Al: I have to stay connected!
The CW: Look, guys. It doesn't seem like you're happy and we don't have much more money for you. Maybe we should just amicably part ways.
Miles: I completely agree. What does "amicably" mean again?
The CW: Good luck on your movie projects.
Al: Our movies are going to rock. I've got a bunch more Mummy movies in my head right now. Mummy Dearest, Mummies Over Morocco, Baby Mummy ...They're, like...Egyptian and stuff.
Miles: And don't forget our Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker sequels, Shanghai Sunrise, Shanghai Daylight Savings Time, and Shanghai Mid-Afternoon.
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