Al: We did it! We finally blew his mind!
Miles: Yes! Gay overload! We fried his circuits! Take that, you recapping bitch!
Al: Can we do something like this to make him love Lana?
Miles: Dude. We've been trying that going on four seasons. Not even our formidable powers of TV persuasion can unlock that tiny black heart.
I...Jell-O. Garfunkel. Lex walks in, players clap. Oh God, my brain. The word "flock" is featured prominently in a posterboard in the background. It is the holy grail, this scene: it is, finally, The Great Gay, in all its glory. Lex tells them this is a "rebuilding year," and he wants to encourage the team to keep at it. Lex turns and is surrounded by shirtless guys. I really want him to sing "Material Girl." He says he's learned not to give up on something that means a lot to you. He turns toward Clark and it's just like Casablanca. Lex goes on about having a losing season and how sometimes you just need a fresh start. Jason just nods, having no idea of the gaiety he's witnessing. Lex gives Clark an Ike Turner look: "Aw Tina Turner, baby, I didn't mean it! Let's let love flow again!" Lex asks everyone to enjoy the new uniforms. Clark sulks. Everyone else applauds, cheering the wonder of what may be the Gayest Scene Ever. Lex goes straight to Clark. To the showers with you two! Ow. My brain again. Clark tells Lex he can't buy back Clark's friendship. Because Clark's love don't cost a thing. Lex thinks, "Really? Shit." Clark walks off, pissed. Anybody know a good electro-shock therapist who could help me through this trying time?
Football field. Chloe, notepad in hand, is trying to interview Jason about the shooting. Jason says nicely that he's a little swamped right now. He's got the Coach Clipboard on him. She asks for just two seconds. Whups, there they went. Jason promises to talk to her after practice.