Smallville
Devoted

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Gay In The Water

Lois goes down the hallway of what appears to be the boiler room from A Nightmare on Elm Street. She mutters, "Gross!" She digs into Mandy's purse and finds the science report. As she's reading it, she gets clocked on the back of the head. It's a wrench, and it's being wielded by Chloe. Dude, if Lois really got hit with a wrench on the back of the neck, I don't think she'd just spin and yell, "Chloe! What the hell!?" Chloe takes another swing and says she knows what Lois is up to. Chloe says she went through this with Lana. She keeps swinging that wrench, and Lois keeps dodging and blocking. Chloe thinks Lois is trying to steal Clark.

Locker room. "Are you getting bored?" Mandy asks Clark, whom she's still mounted upon. "Think of sexy John Elway, think of sexy John Elway," Clark says in his head. "Uh, NO!" Clark says. She kisses him even more and says she's just getting started. This show is now officially running on the economy of blowjobs. Like, mowing your lawn costs a blowjob and a half. Writing your term paper? Two blowjobs and a teabagging. A new car? That's a week's worth of blowjobs.

In the boiler room. Lois yells, "I don't want to hurt you!" She grabs the wrench and throws Chloe down. "Too late, you already did," Chloe says, and moves to go after Lois again. Lois does a roundhouse kick and cracks Chloe right in the fucking face. Owwww! Hey, lay off your cousin! Chloe is turned around and her face and hands land right on a furnace, which should disfigure her horribly. Chloe screams and falls. Now Lois apologizes. Chloe asks, "What happened? What's going on?" Lois looks at the furnace and smiles. Oh yeah! We'll throw all the cheerleaders into the furnace!

Back in the den of blowjobs and a new economic world order. Mandy asks Clark how far he wants to go here. Clark says, "Um..." "Please not the blowjob, please not the blowjob," he thinks. It's the wrong job, the wrong place, and the wrong sex. Lois and Chloe come in to bust up the blow. Mandy dislodges herself from Clark. Clark runs over and hides behind Chloe and Lois as if he might be infected by hetero-germs. "I can't believe you, Clark," Mandy says. Taking advantage of a poor slut like this! Lois asks if Mandy knows how pathetic it is that she uses chemicals to control her boyfriend. Mandy says she was tired of being second to a football. Girl, they're gay. Guh-haaaaay! They're just not that into you! Or your kind. Lois says Mandy created a bunch of psycho nutjobs instead. She says, "No offense" to Chloe. "None taken," Chloe responds, and does a funny little take. Clark asks what took them so long. Chloe says that Lois was attacked by...a crazy plumber. Lois explains about the heat and the boiler room. Clark says it's just like the football player when the gun heated up. Chloe and Lois agree. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just wait right the fuck there. How do Lois and Chloe know about the shotgun heating up and how did Clark explain that bit of magic? I call bullshit! Bullshit, sir! Bullshit, here writ large! And smelly!

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Smallville

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